WINNER - Tigers / Sean Casey - He goes from the moribund Pirates to the penthouse Tigers overnight. Folks, that's like going to bed with Rosanne Barr and waking up with Anna Kournikova. Big winner. Where does one sign up for a deal like that?
LOSER - Devil Rays Fans - bye, bye Aubrey Huff, bye, bye Julio Lugo. Hello, uh who?? This team continues to cry financial poor mouth year after year while forcing it's fans to endure a product that must make the few fans who attend want to stick sewing needles into their eyeballs on a nightly basis. These thieves make an estimated $90 million in revenues annually, while spending, what $30 million in salaries. Insane. And year after year they trade what few talented players they have for somebody elses maybes. They should have been contracted, failing that, they should be beaten like the dogs they are. The new owners are as big a bunch of crooks as the old bunch with a better PR department.
LOSER - Giants - After sticking thier heads above .500 and into the NL West lead for what, one day, the geriatric Giants gagged in the rarified air and crawled back under the oxygen tent to die. Like Punksatawnee Phil these ground hogs saw their shadows and ran for cover like a bunch of pansies. Sabean sucks. Pick up another Sidney Ponson to drive a stake further into your fans hearts you fricking loser. I wish someone would fungo bat his head into McCovey's Cove. It might bob to the surface with more IQ points.
LOSER - Houston - We do have a problem. The Clemens dividend is not paying off, beacuse the anemic offense problem was band-aid-on-a-gunshot-blast fixed with Devil Rays Aubrey Huff.
You can't ask a former Devil Ray to uplift a competitive franchise. I just got done telling you the Rays are to competitive what Paris Hilton is to chastity. Rememeber that analogy, it will be on your next SAT or Wunderlic test for sure. Pissed off star pitchers Brad Lidge and Roy Oswalt by dangling them in trade discussons, with Lidge allegedly ordered to be traded by owner Dreyton McLane. The Clemens life raft to Boston was loaded with provisions and ready for sail but this time the owner couldn't pull the trigger. What a mess this clubhouse could become down the stretch.
WINNER - Mets Fans - Omar Minaya is the darling among GM's right now. One of his relievers goes down in a ill-timed Miami cab driver accident, (what a surprise, they always seemed to emphasize safety when I was there, right after good hygiene) and he goes right out and gets Roberto Hernandez from the Pirates in addition to LHP Oliver Perez. I know what your thinking, but Slav, Roberto was an ex-DRay. Yes, he was students, but he's far enough removed that the jinx has had more than enough time to wear off. He should help at least as much as passenger car dummy Dionar Sanchez.
WINNER - Yankees - Abreu??? are you kidding me, just keep loading All-Star after All-Star onto the payroll. If they ever all get healthy at the same time even Joe Torre won't be able to figure out what to do with all the bats. P.S. - does Abreu pitch? Ah, who cares when you can score two touchdowns per game. Ron Guidry could start in a pinch and win some games for them. And he might have to.
LOSER - Dodgers - DRay Lugo and museum piece Maddux for prospects. Talk about mortgaging the future to win now. And they might not win now. Or ever, if this organizational leadership continues. Ned Colletti must have rubbed against Giants GM Brian Sabean one too many times in the owners suite. Stupid is as stupid does.
LOSER - Red Sox - Snooze you lose sucker. Many logs in the fire, but apparently no matches.
LOSER - White Sox - Stand pat, while Tigers improve, while Twins don't make a panic move that would mortgage their future. Could end up in third in the division and/or out of the wild card hunt pretty quickly. Whatever spark they had was extinguished early in the season. This team needed a pilot light. Kenny Williams didn't find it. Minor league system doesn't have it, bench doesn't have it. One shot wonders.
LOSERS - Cubs?? - No way, only if the beer runs out at Wrigley, they extend Dusty Baker, Kerry Wood and/or Mark Prior. If the extensions flow, the beer needs to be a much stronger brand for next year.
We'll see in 60 days or so who turns these moves into magic.
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