ALL IN THE CLEMENS FAMILY

ESPN.com is reporting that Roger Clemens first start, originally scheduled to be against the White Sox June 4th has been pushed back to June 8th due to what is being described as a "tired groin".

This sounded suspicious to us since we've never heard of this type of injury in baseball, it's much more prevalent of course in the porn industry, so we did some old fashioned investigative reporting and here's what we uncovered.

A spouse, who didn't want to be identified offered this insight:
"Oh hell yeah, he tries that old 'tired groin' line on me every time it's 'ladies night' at the Clemens' house, if you know what I mean ;). Them Yankees should just do what I do, which is pin him down and make him perform. Shit, they're paying him $1M a pop I'm just trying to have a good time. If that doesn't work, I would suggest showing him some porn first, that always works. Damn, them Yankees is stupid."

An unidentified Clemens son, who plays in the Astros organization, said off the record:
"Yeah, I used to hear that crap growing up all the time when there was work to be done around the ranch or the yard needed to be mowed. Then I'd catch his fat ass chilling in the hammock. You'd think with the money he makes he could'a least bought a ride-em mower. Said it built character. Hey, whatever. I just want to get to the big leagues so I can get some major league tail, like that fella Daddy calls Gay-Rod."

And finally from a Yankees lefthander, who followed Roger from New York to Houston and back again like some drooling Baseball Annie:
"Shit, not the groin, Dammit not the F-ing groin. Look, I didn't mind so much nursing the bad hammie, but G-D it Roger I'm not F-ing nursing a 'tired groin'. I'm not stupid, you know, I know what that means. It's bad enough he makes me follow him around the country occasionally wearing a nurses uniform, now this. And you know what ROGER CLEMENS, sometimes I don't want to work out so damn hard!!"

So there you have it.

In further developments, as of today, no Yankees conditioning coaches have been fired as a result of the Clemens groin, however in a double secret team meeting a motion was presented to have "A-Rod's girl hired as Head Performance Coach in charge of Groin Pulls". The motion was quickly seconded by Mr. Giambi and after raucous debate, the motion carried by a count of 24-1, with Mr. Rodriguez the lone dissenter. The request will be submitted by the players to management today.

That's it on the Yankees front. Good Day.