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Thursday, February 14, 2008

THE CLEMENS CONGRESSIONAL HEARING


"Andy and Roger chatting during better days, hopefully Andy didn't misremember what Roger told him here"


It is now officially time for Congress to get out of the baseball-steroids mess. Originally we were sold on the premise that Congress was united behind this cause, Republicans and Democrats living together like cats and dogs, in order to protect the children from the scourge of steroids.

Well, apparently the Congressmen and women showed their true colors and their true motivations yesterday as the questioning broke down along party lines, with the Republicans siding with Clemens (whatever happened to law and order?) and the Democrats surprisingly siding with McNamee. Are we to take from this that now the children have become a political football to be punted back and forth across the aisle between the Republicans and the Democrats?

That's the only thing that was clear after the smoke cleared. It was the only thing we saw with some level of clarity and certainty after the dueling banjos of questioning was concluded.

If you watched the whole thing, and if you did you'd have been better served sticking knitting needles in your eyes, you had to come away reminded of this classic bit of political satire courtesy of Saturday Night Live:



http://www.jibjab.com/view/159106

(A parody of the 60 Minutes Counterpoint segment which pitted conservative James J. Kilpatrick and liberal Shana Alexander during the 1970s).

This is the impression I had about Congressmen Waxman and Davis and their cronies after the hearing. It personifies what went on in the hearing room for the most part. They succeeded only in creating more heat than light, bringing up more questions than they did answers.

I was happy to hear that many of them no longer wanted to hold future hearings into this matter. I can only assure the Committee that the feeling is mutual. Because we're talking about real-life issues with very real ramifications for the particulars involved as well as the sport being potentially decided or influenced by in this circus tents, by these clowns who are acting as if this is all a parody.

In the days leading up to the hearings we heard quotes like this from some of the arbiters of Clemens fate:

"I'm not looking forward to it," Rep. Chris Shays (R-Conn.) said last night. "I feel we've gone beyond our mandate. Our mandate is not to decide the legacy of individual baseball players."

He also questions whether today's hearing can solve the question of who is telling the truth.

"I hope and pray Roger is telling the truth," said Shays, who met with Clemens privately last week. "He's a sports icon. He's a remarkable player. Brian McNamee is, frankly, kind of sleazy. I hope he's the one that is lying. I hope someone who a lot of Americans look up to is telling the truth."


Never mind that the congressmen themselves created some of the circus atmosphere by engaging in borderline unethical behavior with their photo-ops with Roger and the gathering of autographs by members of staff.

The question arises--Will Roger get the same level of treatment by the media and the public as Barry Bonds did if these allegations are proven to be substantively true?

On a number of fronts, the media has already failed miserably in this regard.
In the first place, the presumption of guilt was placed on Bonds from Day One and he was attacked personally, viciously and on a daily basis.

Clemens, on the other hand, has had the bulk of media run interference and carry water for him, by both questioning his accuser and the process itself, instead of questioning Clemens actions as reported.

The presumption of innocence was given Clemens from Day One and in some quarters, is still being given today. Brian McNamee has been characterized as a "sewer rat" (by Gammons and others) for coming forward, whereas Greg Anderson would certainly have had parades in his honor, if he had been forthcoming and prevented Bonds from surpassing Henry Aaron.

It's not difficult to see what's going on, you just have to open your eyes and ears.
Now, Bob Costas, the media appointed pope of ethics, says that while Clemens may have in fact cheated, if the allegations are true (what, no mountain of evidence?), at least he didn't cheat as much as those players whose physiques were transformed into "cartoon-like figures". OK, so that's where the bar is set now.

Thanks Bob, for displaying that you are not only a physical midget, but a mental one as well. Mark that down kiddies, it's apparently OK to cheat as long as you're not real obvious about it. Or you don't break any "hallowed" records. Or you're black. Or you speak a foreign language. Got that? But stay tuned because I'm sure the midget will continue to twist and contort his ethical position as future events unfold.

And here's another question I've been pondering:
Why hasn't anybody put together a book, whose premise revolves around the idea that a certain esteemed pitcher from the Land of Chowder, who was banished from the Nation by a GM with the words "in the twilight of his career" burning a hole in his ears, his brain, his considerable ego, didn't vow that he would get "jacked up" on "that stuff" and show everyone that he was "The Rocket" once again?

Why isn't this superstar, this super-ego capable of the same behavior? Is he incapable of jealousy or vengeance? Let me check with Mike Piazza on that one. Seems like some enterprising reporter looking to catapult themselves from a local newspaper gig to the bright lights, fame and salary bump that the new digs at ESPN and it's ties to Hollywood via Disney would provide. You can even use all the Waxman Commitees back up and testimony to provide filler for the book and have your fellow cronies in the media call it a "mountain of evidence" against your "target".

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FOOTNOTES:

Meaning of the term "It is what it is". Note #7 attributes it to LA not New Yorkers, but, whatever.

According to the website Urbandictionary.com:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=It+is+what+it+Is

1. A cliche, popular within the circles of coaches,
business execs, and those of us who just want to say
"It's happened. 'I'm going to forget about it. I'm
going to move on. There is nothing that can be done
about it."

Voted by USA Today as the #1 cliche of 2004

2. A) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but
actually implies helplessness.

B) A phrase that seems to simply state the obvious but
actually means "it will be what it is," as in "it
ain't gonna change, so deal with it or don't." See
also tough shit, oh well, cry me a river and tfb.

3. in a nutshell, it means "this is the way its going
right now, and thats how it is." kind of a way to say:
don't over think the situation. a reminder to keep
things simple, don't over analyze things, or a way to
put a definition on something thats hard to explain.

4. What incredibly vapid, stupid and unoriginal people
say when they cannot construct a proper thought,
retort or sentence.

Or when you catch a person in a lie, scheme or have
proven them wrong in any way, It is what it is is sure
to leak from their gaping mouth.

5. Used often in the business world, this incredibly
versatile phrase can be literally translated as "fuck
it."

6. Phrase has many meanings. Normally used to describe
something of irrelevance or an acceptance of the
situation.

Used primarily to cause confusion to the listener.

7. A term popularized by the people of Los Angeles. It
connotes that the truth is simply that... the truth.
Deception of the truth will only piss people off down
the line, and you don't want to piss people off, who
knows you might get shot. LOL. You want to live in the
truth, and you like to keep it real.


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Making the rounds on the internet:

Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.
Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has
baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna
do it? You? You,Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you
can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have
that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH,
while illegal, sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and
incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth.
Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want
me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like
fastball,
slider, splitfinger...we use these words as the backbone to a life
spent
playing a sport. You use 'em as a punch line. I have neither the time
nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls
asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner
in
which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your
way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I
don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: You're goddamn right I did!!

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