RIP - GEORGE CARLIN

SOME OF CARLIN'S BETTER ONE-LINERS:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/arts/2008/06/24/2008-06-24_grated_george_carlin_jokes_still_make_pe.html

* Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
* Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
* Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
* The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
* In America, anyone can become President. That's the problem.
* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
* Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
* If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
* You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
* I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
* I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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CARLIN'S CLASSIC COMPARISON OF BASEBALL VS. FOOTBALL