THE NFL DRAFT 2009

My viewing of the NFL Draft was limited to less than an hour today. The reason. Steve Young. Probably the most insufferable analysis of any event in human history.

At first, I was hoping someone would hand him some decaf. Then I realized we were way beyond that stage and needed someone to shot him with a tranquilizer dart. Where are Marlon Perkins and his trusty sidekick Jim Fowler when you need them?

By the fifth or sixth pick, I was looking for a gun for Steve and I wasn't limiting my search to a tranquilizer gun if you must know.

So thanks Steve. And thanks ESPN. You think a producer could have told Steve to knock it down a few notches? Would that have been too much to ask for? You would think that the World Wide Leader would recognize over the top douche baggery when they hear it and see it and would be willing to protect their audience, but I guess not.

It wasn't so much his constantly interrupting Mel Kiper's hair--which is why I watch the NFL Draft. By the way, rumors of Kiper's hair being in the twilight of it's career should have been dispelled last night, but Steve prevented Mel from demonstrating his continued greatness. Way to be a good teammate Steve.

The Sanchez salivation segment was the second strike and we're only four picks in.

Then the Oher interview with Erin Andrews was stepped on and crushed by Steve's over the top rantings. I mean, who wants to work with this guy?
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Anyway, on to the picks:

1. Detroit Matthew Stafford QB Georgia
BIG SURPRISE HERE. Detroit gets a guy that actually wants to play in Detroit.

2. St. Louis Jason Smith OT Baylor
Replaces Orlando Pace. Good move.

3. Kansas City Tyson Jackson DE LSU
First surprise and a bit of a reach. I think most would have had Curry here, but new-GM Pioli knows his stuff.

4. Seattle Aaron Curry OLB Wake Forest
Seattle had to be giddy that Curry fell to them and they stay out of the Sanchez sweepstakes.

5. NY Jets (from Cleveland) Mark Sanchez QB USC
Boom or bust pick here for the Jets. Didn't give up as much as suspected to move up, so I guess it's a good move. Fans needed some post-Favre marquee value before ponying up for PSL's.

6. Cincinnati Andre Smith OT Alabama
I felt like the Bungles would blow the pick and they never disappoint. This guy will fit right in with Dysfunctional Central. His shirtless romp has forever scarred millions of viewers and left me wary of ever watching the NFL Scouting Combine again. Oh wait....that would be a good thing.

7. Oakland Darrius Heyward-Bey WR Maryland
Further evidence that Al Davis is still large and in charge in Oakland. And perhaps slipping into football senility. If Macklin outperforms Bey, well you do the math.

8. Jacksonville Eugene Monroe OT Virginia
Don't know much about Monroe, looks good in a suit though.

9. Green Bay B.J. Raji DT Boston College
The Warren Sapp of the draft, courtesy of SI.com. If he has half the career Sapp did, GB is happy.

10. San Francisco Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech
If Crabtree was making house hunting plans in the Oakland area, he can probably continue in most of the same market now.

11. Buffalo Aaron Maybin DE Penn State
Second big time reach here.

12. Denver Knowshon Moreno RB Georgia
Now we know the Sanchez interest was a smoke screen.

13. Washington Brian Orakpo DE Texas
Still need a QB.

14. New Orleans Malcolm Jenkins CB Ohio State
Good pick for the Cajuns.

15. Houston Brian Cushing OLB USC
Interesting choice here. I thought Mauluka was the better USC LB.

16. San Diego Larry English DE Northern Illinois
Dang. I thought the Giants had a shot at him early second round. Might be a bit of a reach here, but not if he plays like he should.

17. Tampa Bay (from New York Jets through Cleveland) Josh Freeman QB Kansas State
Boom or bust. I thought Chuckie the QB-collector was out of town?


18. Denver (from Chicago) Robert Ayers DE Tennessee
The Jay Cutler trade dividend.

19. Philadelphia (from Tampa Bay through Cleveland) Jeremy Maclin WR Missouri
Dang. Good move by Philly. I think Maclin and Crabtree will be the biggest impact WR's here.

20. Detroit (from Dallas) Brandon Pettigrew TE Oklahoma State
Big target for Stafford to complement Calvin Johnson on the outside. Plus, he blocks.

21. Cleveland (from Philadelphia) Alex Mack OC California
A little high for a center, but he anchors the line for ten years or more if he projects well.

22. Minnesota Percy Harvin WR Florida
Seems like a typical Minnesota WR-with-issues pick.

23. Baltimore (from New England) Michael Oher OT Mississippi
Good pick, good story. Great interview with Erin.

24. Atlanta Peria Jerry DT Mississippi
Seems like a bit of a reach, but the Falcons have been making a lot of great personnel moves lately.

25. Miami Vontae Davis CB Illinois
A Parcells type pick. True to form.

26. Green Bay (from Baltimore through New England) Clay Matthews OLB USC
Wait a minute, this was the walk-on at USC and Mauluga is still on the board? Somebody done F-d up. Can't go against the pedigree though.

27. Indianapolis Donald Brown RB Connecticut
This seems like a typical Indy pick that's going to pan out just the way they thought it would.

28. Buffalo (from Carolina through Philadelphia) Eric Wood OC Louisville
The run on centers continues. Good move for the Bills. Fans may yawn at first.

29. NY Giants Hakeem Nicks WR North Carolina
It was Nicks or Britt for me. I thought the early attention Nicks' way by the G-men was a diversion to draft Britt, but I guess not. We'll see how it plays out, but Nicks seems like the safer pick, more likely to play early.

30. Tennessee Kenny Britt WR Rutgers
OK.

31. Arizona Chris Wells RB Ohio State
There goes Edge. Cards are going to have a ground game.

32. Pittsburgh Evander Hood DT Missouri
Ho-hum pick here for the Steelers.