Harold, Harold, Harold dumb to turn the ESPN PA pool into your own personal petting zoo. Dumb to say your phone is ringing off the hook with offers. It's probably not and even if it is, it hurts your possible wrongful termination or defamation suit. That was just your ego talking wasn't it? Your reputation for having good hands during your playing days simply does not transfer over well to corporate functions or around the water cooler.
I'd say someone needs a hug, but that may just be throwing gasoline on the fire.
Notes to PDA To Do List:
1) clean out desk at ESPN
2) punch Jeff Brantley in the face before exiting building
3) kick John Kruk in the nut for all the times he acted smug and intelligent
4) tell Steve Phillips a blow dryer and a GQ hairdo can't replace good baseball IQ
5) see if Isiah Thomas needs an assistant coach.
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Monday, July 31, 2006
DEADLINE DEALS - WINNERS AND LOSERS
WINNER - Tigers / Sean Casey - He goes from the moribund Pirates to the penthouse Tigers overnight. Folks, that's like going to bed with Rosanne Barr and waking up with Anna Kournikova. Big winner. Where does one sign up for a deal like that?
LOSER - Devil Rays Fans - bye, bye Aubrey Huff, bye, bye Julio Lugo. Hello, uh who?? This team continues to cry financial poor mouth year after year while forcing it's fans to endure a product that must make the few fans who attend want to stick sewing needles into their eyeballs on a nightly basis. These thieves make an estimated $90 million in revenues annually, while spending, what $30 million in salaries. Insane. And year after year they trade what few talented players they have for somebody elses maybes. They should have been contracted, failing that, they should be beaten like the dogs they are. The new owners are as big a bunch of crooks as the old bunch with a better PR department.
LOSER - Giants - After sticking thier heads above .500 and into the NL West lead for what, one day, the geriatric Giants gagged in the rarified air and crawled back under the oxygen tent to die. Like Punksatawnee Phil these ground hogs saw their shadows and ran for cover like a bunch of pansies. Sabean sucks. Pick up another Sidney Ponson to drive a stake further into your fans hearts you fricking loser. I wish someone would fungo bat his head into McCovey's Cove. It might bob to the surface with more IQ points.
LOSER - Houston - We do have a problem. The Clemens dividend is not paying off, beacuse the anemic offense problem was band-aid-on-a-gunshot-blast fixed with Devil Rays Aubrey Huff.
You can't ask a former Devil Ray to uplift a competitive franchise. I just got done telling you the Rays are to competitive what Paris Hilton is to chastity. Rememeber that analogy, it will be on your next SAT or Wunderlic test for sure. Pissed off star pitchers Brad Lidge and Roy Oswalt by dangling them in trade discussons, with Lidge allegedly ordered to be traded by owner Dreyton McLane. The Clemens life raft to Boston was loaded with provisions and ready for sail but this time the owner couldn't pull the trigger. What a mess this clubhouse could become down the stretch.
WINNER - Mets Fans - Omar Minaya is the darling among GM's right now. One of his relievers goes down in a ill-timed Miami cab driver accident, (what a surprise, they always seemed to emphasize safety when I was there, right after good hygiene) and he goes right out and gets Roberto Hernandez from the Pirates in addition to LHP Oliver Perez. I know what your thinking, but Slav, Roberto was an ex-DRay. Yes, he was students, but he's far enough removed that the jinx has had more than enough time to wear off. He should help at least as much as passenger car dummy Dionar Sanchez.
WINNER - Yankees - Abreu??? are you kidding me, just keep loading All-Star after All-Star onto the payroll. If they ever all get healthy at the same time even Joe Torre won't be able to figure out what to do with all the bats. P.S. - does Abreu pitch? Ah, who cares when you can score two touchdowns per game. Ron Guidry could start in a pinch and win some games for them. And he might have to.
LOSER - Dodgers - DRay Lugo and museum piece Maddux for prospects. Talk about mortgaging the future to win now. And they might not win now. Or ever, if this organizational leadership continues. Ned Colletti must have rubbed against Giants GM Brian Sabean one too many times in the owners suite. Stupid is as stupid does.
LOSER - Red Sox - Snooze you lose sucker. Many logs in the fire, but apparently no matches.
LOSER - White Sox - Stand pat, while Tigers improve, while Twins don't make a panic move that would mortgage their future. Could end up in third in the division and/or out of the wild card hunt pretty quickly. Whatever spark they had was extinguished early in the season. This team needed a pilot light. Kenny Williams didn't find it. Minor league system doesn't have it, bench doesn't have it. One shot wonders.
LOSERS - Cubs?? - No way, only if the beer runs out at Wrigley, they extend Dusty Baker, Kerry Wood and/or Mark Prior. If the extensions flow, the beer needs to be a much stronger brand for next year.
We'll see in 60 days or so who turns these moves into magic.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Next Let's Ban Performance Enchancing Tents???
Not to beat a dead horse again but I have to say. "Are you bleeping kidding me?". I'm not sure where this all stops once it's started, but can you feel the slipperiness of the slope?
I hope so, the world is full of natural and unnatural advantages, part of the beauty of sports is teaching kids to overcome them. The feeling I get from the "level the playing field" crowd is eventually we give everyone a medal, same color, or metal. Just like in T-Ball. Unbelievable.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/26/sports/othersports/26altitude.html
Live at Altitude? Sure. Sleep There? Hmm.
By GINA KOLATA
Published: July 26, 2006
Three of the top United States cyclists in this year's Tour de France
use a special method to enhance their performance, and it is legal.
They sleep in altitude tents or altitude rooms that simulate the low-
oxygen conditions of high altitude. This prompts the body to make
more oxygen-carrying red blood cells and can lead to improved
endurance.
Not everyone agrees about how effective altitude training really is,
but many athletes and trainers are firm believers. Athletes who can
afford it, and whose schedules permit it, often sleep at altitude in
the mountains and travel to lower altitudes during the day to train.
Others use the modern method; they sleep in altitude tents, which
start at about $5,000 at Colorado Altitude Training, a major
supplier. Or they convert a bedroom, spending about $25,000. Some
have even spent millions of dollars to convert an entire building.
"Ninety-five percent of the medals that have been won at Olympic
Games have been won by people who train at or live at altitude," said
Joe Vigil, who coaches Deena Kastor. She holds the United States
women's record in the marathon. Kastor lives in Mammoth Lakes,
Calif., at an altitude of 7,800 feet, and often trains at sea level.
The decision on whether to ban hypoxic devices has taken many
athletes and exercise physiologists by surprise, but the antidoping
agency has quietly spent the past few years considering the issue,
said Dr. Bengt Saltin, director of the Copenhagen Muscle Research
Center. Saltin was a member of the agency's health medicine and
research committee until two years ago.
"We have discussed the issue a lot," he said.
In Saltin's opinion, the altitude tents and rooms are no different
from going to "a suitable mountain area," only cheaper. Banning the
altitude tents or rooms, he said, "should not be on the WADA or
International Olympic Committee's priority list."
"This is a pretty slippery slope," he said. "WADA is going to lose
their credibility with the scientific community, upon whom they
depend to further their mission, by pursuing this. And how to enforce
it is a whole different question."
In addition to Levine's letter, the Center for Sports Law and Policy
at the Duke University School of Law recently issued a position paper
opposing the notion of banning the altitude tents and rooms.
The key question for Murray, of the Hastings Center, and the WADA
ethics advisory panel in preparing their report was how to define
what it meant to violate the spirit of sport. They decided that a
violation would be a purely passive activity that nonetheless
enhanced performance.
"When we think about great performances, we think about athletes who
train very hard and are disciplined on top of their natural talents,"
Murray said. And most of the legal performance-enhancing equipment,
like fiberglass poles for the pole vault, "requires the active
engagement of the athlete in learning to use it."
Others, like Levine, take issue with the notion that being passive is
a key distinction. The biological response to training, Levine says,
occurs during rest and recovery, and athletes plan those periods as
carefully as they do their active training. "It is a very serious
error to look at an athlete lying quietly and assume they
are `passive,' " he said.
Levine added that he thought it was problematic to point to altitude
tents or rooms when there are other legal and passive measures that
athletes use to enhance performance - sitting in a sauna to acclimate
to heat and humidity, or wearing a cooling vest or sitting in cold
water to cool their bodies before a race in hot weather. Why not ban
those practices, too, Levine said.
"The fact that we can think of cases that are difficult does not mean
we can't draw lines," Murray said.
Murray acknowledged that athletes who go to the mountains can get the
same effect as sleeping in an altitude tent. But, he said, in his
opinion that was not a compelling reason to say that altitude tents
were within the spirit of sport.
"There are some people who are in a sense geographically fortunate,"
Murray said.
Alberto Salazar, a former champion marathoner who coaches elite
distance runners for Nike, said that if the World Anti-Doping Agency
were to ban altitude tents and rooms, the effect on United States
distance runners would be devastating. Nike has outfitted the
bedrooms of its athletes to make them altitude chambers, Salazar
said, adding that about 40 percent of the athletes increase their red-
blood-cell count as a result.
"Altitude training is absolutely essential," Salazar said. "Any
athlete who wants to be competitive in the world scene would have to
move to altitude or cheat by using an altitude room or taking illegal
drugs."
Moving to a high altitude is not feasible for many who have jobs and
families elsewhere, Salazar said. Of course, he added, runners from
Kenya do not have that problem because many of them live at high
altitudes.
"How many Americans or Western Europeans do we have that are
competitive with the best athletes in the world? Very few," Salazar
said. "We've got such small numbers, do we need another handicap? Do
we need to tell them that the second they graduate from college they
have to move to altitude?"
Murray said he knew the issue was fraught, and he welcomed debate.
"Lines can be very difficult to draw, there is no question about it,"
he said. But if there are no lines, he added, "whatever you like
about the sport will disappear."
He added, "This is a healthy conversation to be having."
The "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS" Awards
With apologies to and admiration for John McEnroe, whose rendition of "you cannot be serious" is the inspriation for the Award. The following items are so egregious as to merit anger and outrage at that level.
ESPN: for firing Harold Reynolds. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. Does Jeff Brantley have a no-fire clause in his contract? Or picture of top-executives of ESPN in compromising positions in his possession? He'd have gone first in my book.
What about the other Yoda wannabe John Kruk? Are we appealing to the much coveted 35-55, spit tobacco swilling, writes with a crayon demographic here? Then he's expendable.
How about Steve Phillips? This guy is giving advice to the Yankees to trade A-Rod? Does he not recall that it was his trade of Scott Kazmir for a box of rocks that resulted in his dismissal from the Mets? This is like Dr. Kervorkian giving advice to the American Medical Association.
How about the ethical wizard Doug Gottlieb. Keep you hand on your wallet when he's on the air that's all anyone can say about this guy.
And how about the fool that is Eric Karros? During a recent Yankees braodcast this fool was tossed a softball question by his play by play man re: whether Yankee captain Derek Jeter should have in some way come to the defense of A-Rod given his recent treatment by Yankes fans. Karros lent nothing, simply regurgitating Jeter's quotes that he doesn't have the cache to chastise Yankee fans. THE HELL HE DOESN'T!!! Let's just count the ways shall we?
1) He's the freaking captain of the team, BE A LEADER!!!
2) this is his supposed good friend as well as teammate (at least that's what we were told when A-Rod came on board)
3) He stood up when Yankee fans gave Jason Giambi what-for after the steroids fiasco. So you can stand up for a cheater and a liar, but not your friend?
4) Pee Wee Reese did as much or more symbollically for Jackie Robinson when Brooklyn Dodger fans treated him like fans on the road where when he first started playing and you best believe it sent a message to Dodger fans and improved things, and I guess, thank God he had the courage to do so.
Derek Jeter: You get a large "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS" , in my mind, based on words and behavior in l'affaire A-Rod, you go from being the face of baseball to the ass-face of baseball.
Give back the "C" if you don't know how to handle it.
Floyd Landis: Tour de France winner, alleged doper based on the A sample anyway. He claims his testosterone levels are naturally high. Does this give us much hope for the results of the B sample? Or was this sample taken after any event that would have substantially lowered the level enough to pass the test? If you have abnormally high levels naturally, wouldn't you have failed most prior tests? Including the six taken at prior points in the Tour> But you've never failed one in the past right? YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. OK, Next?
To all the fools at WADA, USADA and any other aphabet soup pseudo-nazi organization that wants to mainstream this type of drug testing protocol not only in all major sports but down to the high school sports level in this country. Let's see if I understand how this works.....You've splashed crimson red paint all over Landis reputation based on his A sample, but wait says one of the experts in the field of cycling, the B sample could test negative and exonerate him.
Presumably it's the same piss, but then what does that say about the test? We still have one positive vs. one negative, of course we exonerate, but then we're back to the damage to his rep appears on page one and the reatraction appears on page ten. And the original stain of the initial charge lingers forever, I repeat FOREVER.
And we want these jack-booted, idiots making policy in this country? I heard one of these talking heads speculating that the positive could have been caused by a) the couple of beers Landis had to rinse away his prior days disappointing performance and b) the coritsone shots he took for his hip. You're going to eliminate most competitors in every major sports league on the basis of those two conditions, I can assure you of that right know.
This same talking head opined that Landis had low testosterone levels but a high ratio of testosterone to epistosterone. First off, what is epistosterone? Regular testosterone gay cousin? And, second Landis comes out the next day saying he had naturally high levels of the big-T. Can't have it both ways, get your stories straight before you go on air please. So here we are in this state of affairs in the sports world, all because white America can't stomach Barry Bonds being the home-run king. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
The Idiot-Zidane?
I wrote this after reading an article by an author I enjoy very much and whose work I admire, Dave Zirin of the Edge of Sports. The Article is titled "Why I Wear My Zidane Jersey".
http://www.edgeofsports.com/2006-07-11-193/index.html
As you know, I normally enjoy your articles very much,
but this one I felt you were so far of base I had to
attempt to pick you off.
Why on earth would you express admiration for Zidane
or even come close to giving him defense for his
actions?
You bring up Jordan and Jeter as what-if examples, but
think about where the sports world would be if say
Jackie Robinson would have acted as Zidane did.
Think about how where this country might be if
Reverend Martin Luther King had acted as Zidane did.
Surely Zidane has been in similar positions before.
Your sister is a whore? What happened to your momma?
It seems as if the Italian defender was bringing his
B-trash talk game.
And you know Zidane had priors for blowing his cork
before which surely chums the waters for any future
trash talker trying to get his goat. You must know
this type of activity goes on at your favorite NBA
game and NFL game on any given Sunday. Heck, Rodman's
career was aided by getting under opponents skin in
this fashion.
And yet on the biggest stage, knowing this would be
coming, the idiot-Zidane reacted in the worst way he
possibly could. No, he doesn't get a mulligan on this
one, I'm sorry.
I'll choose to wear the uniforms of the two
goaltenders who, before the biggest moment of their
careers, where they would be competing head to head
against each other for their team and their country,
chose to exhibit the ultimate act of sportsmanship by
embracing and wishing each other luck.
Highlight them and wear thier jerseys instead. They
were the heroes of this match in my opinion and they
committed what should have been the most memorable act
of this match.
Instead we'll remember idiot-Zidane. You'll feel
better and anyone who asks you why you're wearing the
jerseys of these stars, whose acts and accomplishments
seemingly went unnoticed because of idiot-Zidane, will
feel better because of it.
It was still a great article. And if the Italian
defender is this way he should be rebuked and exposed
personally. But to expect the team to turn over the
Cup to the French, who may not have won even with
Idiot-Zidane on the pitch the whole match is also a
bit of a stretch.
Maybe FIFA can institute a politcally-correct litmus
test, similar to a drug test, that all athletes must
pass before competing. That would be hilarious.
Exposing this type of person and their activiites to
the light of day should be enough to kill them off.
Slowly and maybe not entirely but it will happen.
That kind doesn't seem to live well when exposed to
light, what with living under rocks as they must.
Keep up the good work in that regard.
Three Years of Taxpayer Dollars at Work and this is it?
a disgruntled ex-mistress and a disgruntled ex-employee/friend?
After three years of investigation and involvement of the IRS,FBI and DOJ?
That's some kind of weight behind this investigation and presumably an unlimited budget.
It is unusual that nobody asks the question posed here by Bonds' lawyer.
"I am not expecting nor is anyone else on the team expecting an indictment," Enos told Bloomberg in a telephone interview. Enos told the news service that if the government "had the evidence they would have indicted him a long time ago."
One would think that to be true. Or at the very least, if they had a strong case, it would not have taken this long to bring it to a grand jury. And most of the evidence found them and not the other way around. Makes you wonder.
Also, one wonders why nobody questions the fact that Greg Anderson in going to jail is quite possibly doing so to protect himslf and not his friend. Is it even remotely possible that self-preservation is in fact his primary motive in not testifying?
One would think so, if one were thinking with a reasonable mind. Either that or this Bonds fellow is a really good friend. Please, no lawyer in his right mind would let a client take the fall for a friend.
CANSECO AS STEROID COP??? Maybe he can deputize OJ.
That would be just grand. Canseco undercover in Major League lockerrooms as a bat-boy? Equipment Manager? Clubhouse flunkie? How would this work, Jose? You're not in the game anymore. You presumably can't name anymore names than you used up to sell your book or promote yourself can you?
What, you would be an improvement over Bud Selig and his cronies? Ouch, you got me there, they've only uncovered one case this ear so far. More entertaining too? Can't argue with you there.
OK, Jose, you got the job big guy? One last question, can you bring the girl to the press conferences? Thanks, Jose.
Maybe you can help OJ with his search too, in your spare time. He doesn't seem to be making much progress. Doing just enough it seems to stay out of jail.