From today's New York Post Online Edition, Mike's confused again.
No, Doctor Freud, it's not about his identity, it's sports related, I'll take this one, you have a cigar.
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/col/lupica/
Thursday, August 9th 2007, 4:00 AM
If this is only about Barry Bonds, as the flacks tell us, Mc-Gwire must wonder what happened to him on his way to being a first-ballot guy in Cooperstown.
If you don't like Bonds, it's race. So what was the problem with McGwire, who is real white?
A: Hey watch who your calling a flack there Sparky. The problem with McGwire is he retired before Bonds. I know you and other BBWAA members think the people you write down to our really stupid, not privy to your outer-worldy form of intelligence. So I'll lay it out so even you can understand it Mikey.
The guys who vote say "Damn I can't very well vote McGwire in on the first ballot and then 6-7 or however many years down the road when Bonds comes up for election, do the one thing I've been dying to do since he flipped me off that one time and that is not vote for Barry Bonds when his turn comes up for Hall of Fame election".
So see Mikey it's really not that hard, most children have figured it out already. They (you media honks) are not going to vote for Barry for the Hall of Fame as a parting F-you shot for his career. But you can't very well do that and leave standing the charade of fairness and impartiality at the same time. You follow? Good boy. Next Question.
Now that Bonds has passed Aaron, we hear, louder than ever, that steroids don't help you swing a bat or stand in there against the curve, that Bonds got here because of talent and determination and longevity and sheer stubbornness. But if all that is true, here is one more question on the Barry Bonds All-Time Home Run King Quiz:
If steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs don't matter, then why do athletes in all sports take them in the first place?
A: Oh dear Lord Michael, you are a slow child. Did your Momma say that to you a lot? Or was it "Michael, stay out of my underwear drawer?" Probably both. Anyway, you remember a fellow named Turk Wendell, pitched for the Mets, Cubs, Rockies among others. Crazy guy used to jump over the foul lines on his way to the mound and back to the dugout, eat licorice and brush his teeth between innings. SOB if he didn't think it helped him pitch better. Now I'll be damned, I've been around baseball a lot of years, near as I can figure it out, IT'S PSYCHOLOGICAL.
If you believe it helps, it helps.
Another little cliche we use around the dugout is "It helps if you can hit". Another thing you will never understand because you spent too many of your youthful days playing with dolls. Next Question, Tinker-Bell.
If Bonds needed no help to hit 73 home runs in a season and hit nearly 350 home runs after the age of 35, if his body grew this way because of all the real hard work he did in the gym with Anderson - why would Anderson even bother to give him steroids in the first place?
A: Read "Faust's Gold", the book about how the East German trainers would give their athletes "vitamins" with their breakfast, so they would swim faster and win gold medals. Maybe he just wanted to enhance his reputation as a trainer with his marquee client. Do you know how hard it would be to get improvement out of a person who drops into your lap as a HOF'er, who had trained with some other trainers in the past who may or may not have given him the results he was looking for, and IMPROVE THAT PERSON ABILITY TO PERFORM IN HIS SPORT BETTER THAN HE EVER HAD IN THE PAST WITHOUT SCREWING THINGS UP???!!! It is difficult, near impossible to improve an elite athlete in the prime of his career or thereafter, without screwing things up, let alone getting continued improvement. But if a lottery ticket fell in your lap and you were a small potatoes trainer, training average Joe's, and an elite athlete knocked on your door, what might you do?
Now I'm not saying that's what Mr. Anderson did. Because he's a big guy and he might hurt me if I make things up and say bad things about him like those Game of Shadows writers did. You know a lot about big guys hurting you, don't you Mike? There, there. I didn't mean to bring up childhood trauma's.
Always remember what a baseball executive told me not long ago:
"They take it because it works."
A: Real scientific.
The idea that steroids don't work is another lie of all this. Keep telling it, though.
A: Actually, I don't say that. Prove to me that it does, without screwing up your career like it has for a lot of players at the major league level and countless others who never get there and are never heard from again. Seems to have worked out well for the kids whose parents testified in front of Congress. I guess we'll see Barry exhibit some sort of late stage 'roid rage or commit murder-suicide.
Keep saying that this is about race, which is the worst lie of all, huckstered by people who ought to be ashamed of themselves.
A: No it isn't. Go back into your FBI files, stupid, around 1992, Operation Equine, Mark McGwire. In fact, do a Google search, which is likely how you found out most of what you know about performance enhancements. Then show me the scathing articles you wrote from 1992 to about the time before McGwire retired. And you show me if you wrote anything with the hatred and vitriol you write about Bonds. Don't make me do the research for you, Skippy. Because you and your kind know I'll find glowing, poetic articles about Paul Bunyan-esque figures and Norman Rockwell moments, and making kissy-kissy with the Maris family under your byline, now won't I?
That's why it's racial. And you and your ilk want a pass on this? Oh, sorry we made a mistake, we had our eyes closed too. They fooled us, too. But we know better this time and we'll take care of it right this time. Save it, bitch.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
You think anybody will ever look at the Tour de France the same way ever again, no matter how many people are on the side of the road? You really think that smart people still believe Lance Armstrong was the only pure one in the race?
A: I'll bet your a little late to the hate Lance Armstrong party, too. Or should I look at your record on that one as well?
Bonds hugs his son and points to the sky and weeps at the sight of Henry Aaron on the huge video screen in the outfield, and everything is supposed to be all right. Not only is the carnival supposed to move on, so are we. Only it doesn't work that way, even with a moment as big as this.
A: Sorry, I thought this was a question. If you don't enjoy it Mike, don't watch it or don't keep making writing articles on the the subject. Write about some other things that will deflect peoples attention away from this. You're a talented writer and gosh darn it people like you.
I guess the powers that be don't agree with you. The Commissioner could have suspended him, the players union be damned. The Feds could have indicted him.
Hey, I got a question for you Mr. Yappy Lap Dog. If this is so obvious to you, how come no suspension, no indictment?
I'll let you think on that one for a bit, Alice. Don't break a nail.
For a guy that acts like he's smarter than everyone who ever appears on that there Sports Reporters show, this boy sure asks a lot of questions.
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