MORE POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE FOR THE NEWLY MINTED GRADS

WRITER AND COLUMNIST - P.J. O'ROURKE

Commencement Speech - Webster College - 2007



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L.A. TIMES ARTICLE ON THE SPEECH:

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-op-orourke4-2008may04,0,3597821,full.story

Fairness, idealism and other atrocities
Commencement advice you're unlikely to hear elsewhere.
By P.J. O'Rourke
May 4, 2008
Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you're thinking: "Gimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!" But not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech.

Don't moan. I'm not going to "pass the wisdom of one generation down to the next." I'm a member of the 1960s generation. We didn't have any wisdom.

We were the moron generation. We were the generation that believed we could stop the Vietnam War by growing our hair long and dressing like circus clowns. We believed drugs would change everything -- which they did, for John Belushi. We believed in free love. Yes, the love was free, but we paid a high price for the sex.

My generation spoiled everything for you. It has always been the special prerogative of young people to look and act weird and shock grown-ups. But my generation exhausted the Earth's resources of the weird. Weird clothes -- we wore them. Weird beards -- we grew them. Weird words and phrases -- we said them. So, when it came your turn to be original and look and act weird, all you had left was to tattoo your faces and pierce your tongues. Ouch. That must have hurt. I apologize.

So now, it's my job to give you advice. But I'm thinking: You're finishing 16 years of education, and you've heard all the conventional good advice you can stand. So, let me offer some relief:

1. Go out and make a bunch of money!

Here we are living in the world's most prosperous country, surrounded by all the comforts, conveniences and security that money can provide. Yet no American political, intellectual or cultural leader ever says to young people, "Go out and make a bunch of money." Instead, they tell you that money can't buy happiness. Maybe, but money can rent it.

There's nothing the matter with honest moneymaking. Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. In a free society, with the rule of law and property rights, no one loses when someone else gets rich.

2. Don't be an idealist!

Don't chain yourself to a redwood tree. Instead, be a corporate lawyer and make $500,000 a year. No matter how much you cheat the IRS, you'll still end up paying $100,000 in property, sales and excise taxes. That's $100,000 to schools, sewers, roads, firefighters and police. You'll be doing good for society. Does chaining yourself to a redwood tree do society $100,000 worth of good?

Idealists are also bullies. The idealist says, "I care more about the redwood trees than you do. I care so much I can't eat. I can't sleep. It broke up my marriage. And because I care more than you do, I'm a better person. And because I'm the better person, I have the right to boss you around."

Get a pair of bolt cutters and liberate that tree.

Who does more for the redwoods and society anyway -- the guy chained to a tree or the guy who founds the "Green Travel Redwood Tree-Hug Tour Company" and makes a million by turning redwoods into a tourist destination, a valuable resource that people will pay just to go look at?

So make your contribution by getting rich. Don't be an idealist.

3. Get politically uninvolved!

All politics stink. Even democracy stinks. Imagine if our clothes were selected by the majority of shoppers, which would be teenage girls. I'd be standing here with my bellybutton exposed. Imagine deciding the dinner menu by family secret ballot. I've got three kids and three dogs in my family. We'd be eating Froot Loops and rotten meat.

But let me make a distinction between politics and politicians. Some people are under the misapprehension that all politicians stink. Impeach George W. Bush, and everything will be fine. Nab Ted Kennedy on a DUI, and the nation's problems will be solved.

But the problem isn't politicians -- it's politics. Politics won't allow for the truth. And we can't blame the politicians for that. Imagine what even a little truth would sound like on today's campaign trail:

"No, I can't fix public education. The problem isn't the teachers unions or a lack of funding for salaries, vouchers or more computer equipment The problem is your kids!"

4. Forget about fairness!

We all get confused about the contradictory messages that life and politics send.

Life sends the message, "I'd better not be poor. I'd better get rich. I'd better make more money than other people." Meanwhile, politics sends us the message, "Some people make more money than others. Some are rich while others are poor. We'd better close that 'income disparity gap.' It's not fair!"

Well, I am here to advocate for unfairness. I've got a 10-year-old at home. She's always saying, "That's not fair." When she says this, I say, "Honey, you're cute. That's not fair. Your family is pretty well off. That's not fair. You were born in America. That's not fair. Darling, you had better pray to God that things don't start getting fair for you." What we need is more income, even if it means a bigger income disparity gap.

5. Be a religious extremist!

So, avoid politics if you can. But if you absolutely cannot resist, read the Bible for political advice -- even if you're a Buddhist, atheist or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those people who believes that God is involved in politics. On the contrary. Observe politics in this country. Observe politics around the world. Observe politics through history. Does it look like God's involved?

The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. Observe the Tenth Commandment. The first nine commandments concern theological principles and social law: Thou shalt not make graven images, steal, kill, et cetera. Fair enough. But then there's the tenth: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

Here are God's basic rules about how we should live, a brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts. And, right at the end of it we read, "Don't envy your buddy because he has an ox or a donkey." Why did that make the top 10? Why would God, with just 10 things to tell Moses, include jealousy about livestock?

Well, think about how important this commandment is to a community, to a nation, to a democracy. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don't whine about what the people across the street have. Get rich and get your own.

Now, one last thing:

6. Don't listen to your elders!

After all, if the old person standing up here actually knew anything worth telling, he'd be charging you for it.

P.J. O'Rourke, a correspondent for the Weekly Standard and the Atlantic, is the author, most recently, of "On The Wealth of Nations." A longer version of this article appears in Change magazine, which reports on trends and issues in higher education.

IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME.....BUT WHEN???

I'm reminded of the following philosophical question lately whenever I see the Tampa Bay Rays win another ball game and continue their stay at the top of the Eastern Division of the American League.

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a philosophical riddle that raises questions regarding observation and knowledge of reality. Can something exist without being perceived? - e.g."Sound is only sound if a person hears it"

The Rays may be for real, but the larger question for Rays fans is going to be "Is the Tampa Bay baseball market for real?"

It seems as if the team, under new management, has made all the right moves to provide a winning product at an affordable price for the fans in the area. And yet the recent attendance figures have been nothing short of abysmal. New ownership has put up their own money for stadium renovations to spruce up a ballpark that already looks antiquated when compared to the many new baseball palaces that have come on-line recently.


O.K., LET'S PUT SOME LIPSTICK ON THIS PIG!!!

FROM ST. PETE TIMES:
And despite a 31-20 record, and the historical novelty that goes with it of being the first team in modern history (since 1900) to have the best record in the majors through Memorial Day after having the worst record the year before, they say they can play even better overall.

Monday was another example of everyone doing their part — well, except the community, as there was a crowd of only 12,174, fifth smallest at the Trop this season and smallest by far in the majors Monday.


RAYS FEVER? CATCH IT? SOMEBODY....ANYBODY????

It's going to be very embarrassing for the community and demoralizing to this team if in a possible stretch run and playoff appearances this place isn't filled near to capacity with a preponderance of Rays fans. Not Yankees fans or Sawks fans or Orioles fans, Rays fans, if indeed there are any.

It is rapidly approaching put up or shut up time for the Rays faithful.

The team and the city have plans on the board and in front of the community for a new downtown, waterfront, open air stadium to replace the Trop. It remains to be seen whether the good will the team has worked for over the last couple of years is overcome by the negative sentiment lingering over the secretive, behind closed doors vote that brought the dome to St. Petersburg in the first place.

The city built the facility over MLB's objections/suggestions that it would not help the city secure a team. The community was rightfully upset and splintered by the behind-the-back nature in which that city council voted, without community input, to build the stadium. That vote was a catalyst for the "Sunshine Law" which mandates that all business matters decided on by a local government, that effects a community materially, be conducted openly and publicly. So there is still some bad blood on both sides that has to be excised before the team/city is able to succeed in their quest for a new stadium.


PROPOSED NEW RAYS STADIUM

Another area of concern: the feeling amongst some in MLB's higher offices, that aside from pushing to the front of the line for a new team by building a new stadium--which backfired when expansion teams were awarded to Colorado and Miami--the St. Petersburg expansion proponents touted to major league baseball that the area had a large and rabid fan base just waiting to bust through the turnstiles.

They bragged mightily about a 30,000 fan season ticket waiting list,leaving owners to salivate over 2.5-3.0 million attendance for the newly-minted franchise. They consistently pointed to the fact that the area had provided loyal and consistent support to baseball in the exhibition season for many, many years and posited that they could and would easily support an 81-game per season major league regular season financially. They chastised baseball at every turn for not rewarding them for their loyal support.

Unfortunately, as history has borne out, that season ticket fan base melted like a Popsicle in the summer sun once the franchise was awarded. Folks that were on the list, which only took a $50 commitment as I recall (I was on it), quickly partnered up with friends and bought 1/2 and 1/4 shares in season-tickets once the sticker shock of season ticket prices became apparent. The 30,000 base dwindled to around 15,000 actual season-tickets and shares of same for the initial season.


Figures from Baseball_Reference.com

RAYS HISTORICAL ATTENDANCE 1998-2008:
Year Average Total League Average Total
1998 30,942 2,506,023 2,298,169
1999 21,601 1,562,827 2,286,874
2000 18,008 1,479,781 2,262,557
2001 16,026 1,298,075 2,346,071
2002 13.158 1,065,762 2,207,891
2003 13,070 1,058,695 2,191,745
2004 16,139 1,275 011 2,340,422
2005 14,052 1,124,189 2,360,452
2006 16,901 1,369,031 2,458,741
2007 17,148 1,389,031 2,527,968

DIAMONDBACKS HISTORICAL ATTENDANCE 1998-2008:
Year Average Total League Average Total
1998 44,571 3,600,412 2,401,674
1999 37,234 3,019,654 2,380,436
2000 36,324 2,819,539 2,480,194
2001 33,766 2,735,821 2,481,346
2002 39,515 3,200,725 2,309,294
2003 34,636 2,805,542 2,273,813
2004 31,105 2,519,560 2,512,690
2005 25,423 2,059,331 2,583,685
2006 25,821 2,091,505 2,598,741
2007 28,598 2,316,507 2,756,384

I used these two teams for comparison because they entered baseball at the same time. Granted they are in different leagues, but it's plain to see that the D-Backs have surpassed their league average attendance virtually every year of existence. Other than the initial year, the D-Rays/Rays have failed to poke their heads above the league average every year.

Both had great initial years D-Backs averaging 44,571 D-Rays averaging 30,942.

After the honeymoon however, the D-Rays attendance fell by approx. 30% the second year, by 40% the third year, 47% the fourth year and 54% by the fifth year as compared to the initial years attendance. Attendance fell for FIVE straight years after the inaugural season.

By comparison the D-Backs attendance fell 16% the second year, 18% the third year, 25% the fourth year, and then boomeranged back the fifth year to a -12% comparable number.

It seems like after the novelty of having a team wears off and the core level of fan support is determined, the Phoenix area trounced the Tampa Bay area in most measures.

According to Nielsen Media Research, the two markets are comparable is size with both weighing in around the 1.6 million household number. Both had similar histories as a site for spring training and minor league baseball support, so it seemed like the level of success would be about the same, but apparently not.

True, the Diamondbacks did come into the league with a better ownership group than the Rays did. No argument there. But the mistakes of the past are used as convenient excuses in the St. Pete area for the continued lack of support. New ownership it seems has erased as many of the prior sins as they could by providing free parking to economy-minded fans and allowing fans to bring of small coolers with refreshments for those concerned with the astronomical price of concessions. So what gives, T-Bay?


HEY, WE GAVE YOU BASTARDS FREE PARKING!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT???


I just have to believe that in the upper echelons of baseball's management structure they must feel hoodwinked and defrauded for awarding a franchise to the area given the putrid performance at the gate.

The new ownership group has proven themselves, the team has proven themselves, now the only thing left is for the market to step up and prove itself ready for "The Show".

I've heard some fans from St. Pete say, "Well, they've been lousy for ten years, one season of success is not enough to win us over. Let them continue to win for about ten years or so and maybe we'll mosey on down to the park and catch a game."

I have news for those kind of knuckle-heads....When you go looking for your team
in ten years, you best pack a lunch...because they won't be there when you return. They will be somewhere else.

And don't count on that term "iron-clad" lease that I hear bandied about to bail you out. That's a contradiction in terms. Ask one of your lawyer friends about iron-clad leases and when he gets done laughing, listen up. Then get on your bike, or hop on the bus, or hitch hike to the ballpark and support your team. Or roll up your sleeves and prepare to help them pack. It's your choice.

Of course, it's entirely possible that the original decision to put the stadium in the location it's currently in was the original mistake. One that will be very difficult to recover from. The fallacy of putting the team's house in a spot where if you drew a 50-mile radius circle you would hit water 50% of the time is hard to argue against. Apparently, fish and plankton do not buy tickets to baseball games. Go figure.

Maybe adding an additional 10-15% of households to your team's marketing reach makes a material difference in attendance and maybe it doesn't. I'm just not sure the market will get a second chance to find out.

The City of St. Petersburg jumped the gun to put themselves strategically ahead of other expansion suitors nationally, but by not waiting until the area was awarded a franchise before building a stadium, they also nudged local jurisdictions whose locations would have been better suited to the long-term success of the franchise.

And the team is paying for the legacy of both of these tactical errors today. The only one who wins apparently is the City of St. Petersburg. I don't think it's any coincidence that none of MLB's corporate partners seem to reference St. Petersburg by name, in fact most distinctly reference Tampa--not Tampa Bay--Tampa, when mentioning the team. You think there experience with the NFL's Buccaneers doesn't give them a bit of a local feel for the geography down there.

If you believe that, I've got some swampland in Florida I'd like to interest you in buying. HAHAHAHA.


IT'S ALL ABOUT LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!!
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UPDATE:

The case for the new St. Petersburg Downtown Stadium
http://www.majorleaguedowntown.com/

The case against the new St. Petersburg Downtown Stadium
http://www.stpetepoww.com/

BAD YEAR FOR UMPS

Another bad day for the brethren. This is one reason I like to wear the goalie style mask that has made it's way into the major league ranks slowly. The lower level games that I do, you're probably more at risk of events like this or the bat flingers crashing one into your skull.

Amazingly, the Illinois High School Association (IHSA) does not endorse either style but at our annual umpires clinic/rules meeting the head of the state association answered a direct question regarding the goalie mask by saying in effect "you can wear them if you chose, but don't expect to advance or do the higher level regional or state games, if you do wear them."

Let me get this straight. We're not opposed to having pitchers and infielders wear masks that make them look like Hannibal Lechter, but put the umpires at risk of concussion or worse and we're somehow opposed to it for cosmetic reasons? Are you serious?

What's the big deal if guys feel more properly protected using one style or the other? Apparently, the major league umpires don't seem to mind if their ranks use a mix of both styles. Why would this be good enough for MLB umpires but not a state high school association? Likely because the (lone) administrator in charge of such a decision has never actually been on a field or behind a plate.

Give me an F-ing break. Almost anything in the name of safety, but not a choice of masks to protect the umpires. Sorry guys, I actually use my brain and don't mind taking reasonable measures to protect it. Too bad the IHSA administration doesn't use or value their brains.

Unfortunately, I'll have to root on a lawsuit. Of course, they'll cower behind the "we have no official position" on this and "we don't hold this against qualified umpires", blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

Personally, I currently have no desire to do those games, so it's not sour grapes involved. I just don't see the logic employed by the IHSA here and hopefully it doesn't take more umpires taking shots like this unnecessarily before there is a change at our level.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY

ODDS OF WINNING - SO FAR

According to the standings below, only 10 AL teams and 8 NL teams have a realistic shot (> 10:1 odds) of making the playoffs. Almost half of the teams are effectively eliminated and we're only at about the 1/3 mark of the season. That doesn't sound like competitive balance to me.

In the AL:
OAK 70.4%
CHIW 67.5%
BOS 66.0%
TB 53.0%
LAA 42.5%
CLE 29.1%
MIN 16.9%
TOR 16.3%
TEX 14.9%
NYY 10.6%

In the NL:
ARIZ 86.8%
CHIC 81.8%
ATL 57.4%
STL 35.6%
LAD 35.4%
PHI 32.7%
HOU 27.0%
NYM 13.1%

Pre-season playoff hopefuls Detroit (2.8%) Seattle (0.2%) would seem to prefer not making the playoffs then to sign THE B-POPE. Milwaukee at (2.5%) also needs to kick it into gear and soon or their hopes are dashed. Way to go Bud.

The Gigantes come in at (0.2%) chance of making the playoffs - a 500 to 1 shot. Happy Fiftieth Birthday indeed. Way to thank the fans for their years of unrewarded support. Start taking a page from the Cubs marketing handbook.

FROM WEBSITE coolbaseballstandings.com
http://www.coolstandings.com/baseball_standings.asp?i=1

We've been hearing a lot about how the latest iteration of baseball's drug testing has changed the game from more of a power to speed game or maybe more of a veterans game to a young man's game and this has given teams like the Rays a chance to compete against the more financially gifted Yankees and Sox.

I think the jury is still out on that one, but it is a bit amazing how the tone of the message has changed, a virtual 180 degree shift, from "well testing will never stay ahead of the cheaters" to "wow, it looks like the shame game is more effective than onerous testing".



WHERE HAVE ALL THE HR'S GONE AND WHY. SOMETIMES THE MOST OBVIOUS ANSWER ISN'T THE CORRECT ONE (from SportsEconomist.com)

The commentators are giddy that the number of HR's are down in the early part of the season, even though it seems as if the abnormally cold, early season weather could be more of a factor than the disappearance of some of the big homer BALCO guys (Bonds, Sheffield, etc.)



BALL-BAT COLLISION ILLUSTRATED


A factor that I believe has gone under reported has been the loss of velocity of pitchers. Not just the most notable examples of Barry Zito or Mike Mussina, but across the board. The White Sox commentators are "searching" for an answer to Bobby Jenks loss of velocity from 97-99MPH top speed to 92-93MPH. We're talking about guys in their prime years, without any reported injuries and yet the velocity dropped precipitously. WTF, right? The missing factor in the discussion is the disappearing velocity of the pitchers.

It's interesting to note that you don't see the radar gun readings for pitchers displayed on the screen on any baseball telecasts anymore. Wonder why that is?

As the illustration above shows, in the all important ball-bat collision, a loss of velocity from EITHER bat speed or ball speed, will result in a loss of exit speed of the ball and therefore a loss of distance the ball travels. But pitchers using never really fit the MSM agenda until Roger Clemens entered the fray.

I sense such a seismic shift in the tone and tenor of the debate from the WWLIS that I can only speculate that an ESPN/MLB deal of epic proportions is in the works and that the "you don't shit where you eat" theory is currently in effect.

ZITO WINS!!!!! ZITO WINS!!!!

ZITO AND GIANT PITCHING COACH DAVE RIGHETTI, GIDDY AFTER ZITO'S FIRST WIN, DECIDE TO SEARCH FOR GOLD OR OIL ON THE BULLPEN PITCHING MOUND.

Barry Zito broke his season-long schneid yesterday versus the Florida Marlins by actually winning a baseball game for the Giants. Zito improves his record to 1-8 and ends season long speculation that he would finish the campaign win less.

A Marlin player who did not want to be identified said, "Yeah he had his stuff, if you could call it 'stuff', working today. He had us off balance all night. I mean we were expecting big-league stuff and we get American Legion pus. WTF, you know what I mean? We just couldn't make the adjustment in time."

The feisty Marlin continued, "I mean, you try and adjust from your big-league swing back to your high school or little league swing in nine innings. It's hard to do. Luckily, there's only one Zito, so it's really not worth messing with your mechanics for just one game, you know what I mean? Like a knuckle-baller."

So the train wreck continues, albeit with an occasional speed bump called victory thrown in just to tease the masses.

Your San Francisco Giants, celebrating 50 years of futility the only way they know how, by piling on more futility as far as the future of this franchise can see.

WANNA GET AWAY???.......

A real life version of those Southwest Airlines commercials from todays Daily Herald:

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http://www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=196544

Cops: Niles man backs over squad after getting ticketed
By Nadia Malik | Daily Herald Staff
Published: 5/23/2008 1:15 PM | Updated: 5/23/2008 1:21 PM

A man who had just been pulled over by police ran backward over a Buffalo Grove squad car Friday morning, apparently in haste to drive off.

Henry Raskin, 70, of Niles, had been pulled over by a Buffalo Grove officer on the 400 block of Dundee Road around 11:30 a.m. Friday for speeding. He had been driving 58 mph in a 35 mph zone, said Sgt. Scott Kristiansen.

"He was not happy about receiving a ticket. (He) apparently was going to pull away at a high rate of speed, but the only problem was that he was in reverse," Kristiansen said.
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So add this to the list of things not to do or say when the cops pull you over for speeding.

1) Don't ask them if they perhaps shouldn't be out there finding real criminals instead of hassling you.

2) Don't remind them that you're a taxpayer and you pay their salaries.

3) Don't mention anything about donuts or donut shops.

4) Don't smash into their car after they've issued the ticket.

POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE

Well, it's that time of year again. The kids are graduating and the older folks have a chance to share some of the worldly wisdom NOT commonly taught inside our fine institutions of higher learning.

Here's one from Bill Gates...

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time..

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

CONGRATS TO THE TAMPA BAY RAYS - 1ST S.I. COVER

Hopefully, the much celebrated S.I. cover jinx stays away.

The Rays on top of the division, the Yankees in the basement. Dogs and cats living in peace and harmony....Oh my, what a crazy mixed up world.

CONGRATS TO ST. CHARLES NORTH H.S.

Ranked by Newsweek as one of the top public high schools in the nation:

http://www.kcchronicle.com/articles/2008/05/22/news/local/doc4835136baae8a541091820.txt

The complete Newsweek List:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/39380?GT1=43002

UMPIRING 101 - DON'T OVERRULE YOUR PARTNER UNLESS YOU ARE 100% SURE

Or you'll end up having to explain a situation like this one. The umpire closest to the ball and whose call it was, got it right. He was indecisive about it, but ultimately he was correct. How the other two umpires, the home plate umpire and maybe the second base umpire, felt they had a better look at it enough to talk him out of his call, I don't know.

Carlos Delgado even asked the home plate umpire how he could see it from that far away. Dude said he had it foul all the way. That sounds like 100% sure, but as we can plainly see, someone done screwed up.

The crew got lucky that the Mets stretched the lead out making the call a bit of a non-factor in the outcome of the game. But not in the post game analysis.

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http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/mets/2008/05/18/2008-05-18_umpire_admits_he_fouled_up_carlos_delgad.html

....with home plate ump Bob Davidson giving a frank assessment of what turned out to be his incorrect ruling.

"I ----ed it up. I'm the one who thought it was a ---- foul ball. I saw it on the replay. I'm the one who ----ed it up so you can put that in your paper," Davidson told reporters. "Bolts and nuts, I ----ed up. You've just got to move on. No one feels worse about it than I do."

Mike Reilly, the third base umpire and crew chief, initially signaled home run as Delgado trotted around the bases.

Then came a Derek Jeter protest. The four umpires conferred on the field as Delgado was being congratulated at the plate by Moises Alou and Ryan Church.

"I called the ball fair. I originally thought the ball was fair. The objection came from the field. I got my crew together. My three partners were adamant that the ball was foul and we went with that decision," said Reilly. "Very, very tough call. You got all the fans down there, standing around the pole, hands up. Actually, sometimes you can almost get blocked out. We want to make sure we try to get it right."

There is no instant replay in baseball, although general managers voted 25-5 over the winter in favor of exploring the idea of instituting it into the game. Carlos Beltran called for instant replay after his April 2 home run in Miami in the team's third game this season was overruled and called foul.

"We get them right as a crew. We get them wrong as a crew," said Reilly. "That's probably the toughest call we have to make on the field. We started doing this in 2000 where we confer on them. In the old days, you would die with it. This one we would have died with and it would have been correct."

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At the lower levels, I'm sure umpires admit that they kicked a call or two here and there all the time, but you don't see it too often at this level. If anything I thought a supervisor or somebody from the MLB office would have issued a post game statement to the effect that the call was wrong.

This should renew the calls for some kind of instant replay on a limited basis. Limited as in only for use on fair/foul, HR/not HR calls like this one or playoff and World Series only but not for use during regular season.

I wouldn't mind seeing it, but have a guy in the booth viewing the replays and only that person has the power to overturn or call for review of a call. Sure, you'll have players and coaches gesturing towards the booth begging for replays, but that would fit in eventually with the usual spasmodic gesturing and posturing that manager and players do now when they argue. So what's the difference?

And if it ensures that the right team wins a playoff or World Series, that's pretty important. During the regular season, it all evens out in the end, don't even bother.

ARE THONGS PERFORMANCE ENHANCING??

THAT'S VERY NICE - THESE ARE NOT YOUR FATHER'S YANKEES

Apparently Jason Giambi thinks so, and he ought to know, right? I'm not sure from the article if Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon have tried the same thong Giambi uses or not. I'm not sure I really want to know, but that would be taking clubhouse chemistry and camaraderie just a little bit too far. Hopefully, they each have their own personalized thongs, Lord knows they can afford it.

http://canadianpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5jWTieq9jc8lLA2iBnOSze8Fd5MDw

The New York Yankees' first baseman caused a bit of a stir Saturday when the Daily News reported - on the front page, no less - that he often wears a gold thong under his uniform pants when trying to snap out of a slump.

Giambi, who began the day batting .181, has kept the shiny thong in his locker since he played for the Oakland Athletics. Several teammates acknowledged they've tried wearing it, too, including Yankees captain Derek Jeter and outfielder Johnny Damon.

Along with the White Sox blow up doll controversy, it is really mind-boggling what some of these guys will do to get their heads straight and improve performance. The traditional slump-buster may be a thing of the past. Hey fellas, less-than-moderately attractive chicks with weight problems and/or glandular issues still need loving too.

THE BIG ZIT SAGA CONTINUES...8 DOWN - 2 TO GO

THE BIG ZIT - CLOSING IN ON HIS PRE-SEASON PREDICTION OF NUMBER OF LOSSES HE WOULD START THE SEASON WITH

Barry Zito continued his torrid march toward ignominity yesterday versus the Chicago White Sox yesterday, a team he used to own.

Zito continued to try to mask his oozing pus of a fastball (84 MPH tops), with a change-up (74 MPH). This appears to be some sort of a change-up on top of a change-up strategy, with the occasional shadow of his knee-buckling curve-ball mixed in.

Painful to watch. I wonder why nobody asks the question, "why would a pitcher, with no prior record of injuries, all of a sudden lose 8-9 MPH off his fastball?" What happened? Is his Fastball a PED testing casualty? Is this a big contract, I don't give a shit about my legacy shutdown?

In related Gigante news, Owner Peter Magowan will step down, however he will not take GM Brian Sabean with him. So Giants fans will continue to be cursed.

Your 2008 San Francisco Giants - 54 Years of World Series futility and counting.

BIG BROWN - BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

If there was any doubt before that the thirty year drought between Triple Crown winners is about to end in three weeks at Belmont Park, Big Brown laid them to rest today at Pimlico Race Track.

Once again, this horse turned it up a notch as the horses came down the back stretch, just as he finished twenty opponents in the Kentucky Derby.

That makes it two straight races that this beautiful horse evoked images of Secretariat, barreling down the back stretch and Belmont Park and obliterating the assembled field.

BIG BROWN - PREAKNESS:

THE AERIAL VIEW OF HIS STRETCH RUN BLOWOUT IS AWESOME - HE JUST HAS ANOTHER GEAR THE OTHER HORSES DO NOT


Folks, these are not horses recruited from outside the glue factory that Big Blue is passing like they are standing still. These are quality, stakes winners from all over the world.

So unless there is some horse bred and trained to run the distance the Belmont offers, or there is some sort of jockey error that costs them the race, this horse seems poised to take his place alongside "Big Red" Secretariat, as one of the all-time great horses.

This horse Big Brown is a beauty, in that he is a classically beautiful thoroughbred and he is a beast to his opponents. Nobody has yet figured out how to handle him. Like the greats before him, he apears to have a remarkable will to win, to run up front and in the lead.

His jockey's only problem to date seems to be to keep from spending himself too early.
That will be an even more important skill to have come the third leg of the Triple Crown in New York.

Stay tuned, it might be thirty years before we see another Triple Crown winner after this one. Go Big Brown, bring it home.
------------------------------------
SECRETARIAT KENTUCKY DERBY FACTS:
On his way to a still-standing track record (1:59 2/5), he ran each quarter-mile (approximately 400 m) segment faster than the one before it.

The successive quarter-mile times were: 25 1/5, 24, 23 4/5, 23 2/5 and 23.

This means he was still accelerating as of the final quarter-mile of the race.

It would be 28 years before any other horse would run the Derby in less than 2 minutes (Monarchos in 2001).
------------------------------
SECRETARIAT v. BIG BROWN - TALE OF THE TAPE

Kentucky Derby:
Year Time Purse Field
1973 Secretariat 1:59.40 $155,050 13
2008 Big Brown 2:01.82 $1,451,800 20

Preakness:
1973 Secretariat 1:54.40 $129,900 6
2008 Big Brown 1:54.72 $600,000 12

Kentucky Derby:
1973 Secretariat 2:24 $90,120 5
2008 Big Brown ???? ????? ??
---------------------------
NBC did a good job with their round table discussion of some of the problems the industry faces as a result of the Eight Belles tragedy. They brought up genetics and training as issues, but really seemed to zero in on the use of "permissible medications" such as Lasix, anti-inflammatories and steroids.

To the panelists, steroids were not considered a "performance enhancer" so much as a tool to enhance recovery. Very interesting and here you have a pool of athletes, some who use and some who do not, legally by the way, since most states allow the use of steroids for race horses. It doesn't seem as if that during the 20-30 years that this pool of athletes have been using steroids, that the winning times (performance) have been declining dramatically (enhancement), if at all.

Veteran analysts Randy Moss said pointedly that you could draw a clear link to the increased use steroids and anti-inflammatories and the increased numbers of break downs on the track. Very interesting and provocative points indeed.

It was also rather humorous to see Bob "The Midget" Costas in the jockeys room conducting interviews with subjects that he literally towered over. Now he knows what Shaq feels like.
-------------------------------
SECRETARIAT'S IMMORTAL BELMONT RUN:



http://www.secretariat.com/legacy.htm

New York Post columnist Larry Merchant (now better known as HBO's sharp-tongued boxing analyst) clicked off his words in Broadway staccato:

"Secretariat," said Merchant, "is the kind of Big Horse that makes grown men weep, even when they are flint-hearted bettors, even when he goes off at 1-10. He is the apparently unflawed hunk of beauty and beast they search for doggedly in the racing charts every day, and never seemed to find. His supporters rhapsodize over him as though he is a four-legged Nureyev, extolling virtues of his musculature, his grace, his urine specimens." If he were to lose the Belmont, Merchant warned, "the country may turn sullen and mutinous."

COACH DUNGY AND "QUIET STRENGTH"

ONE OF THESE COACHES IS A WINNER - AND ONE IS A LOSER - ANY QUESTIONS???

This story really illustrates what is wrong with the MSM, talk radio mentality we have today in sports and politics as well. The part of the story that received the most attention, the most airplay was Coach Dungy's closing remarks as reported below:

Then someone asked if anything happened last season that he wished he could include in the book. What followed was vintage Dungy. He seized the opening. He brought up the videotaping scandal with the New England Patriots.

"We talk about how important it is to do things the right way and have integrity so that when you do win, people can never ask that question," he said. "That's the great thing that I'm happy about with our team.

"Yes, we won. But no one is really going to ask, 'Did they cheat? Did they do things the right way?' I think our record speaks for itself and if you're a true champion, that's the way you'd like it to be."

Now as I read it, he did not mention the Patriots directly, but I agree with his message entirely. I think it is a joke how virtually every mouthpiece and talking head has put the whitewash to the Matt Walsh tapes saying they didn't reveal anything new, they didn't have any impact on the Patriots Super Bowl, etc. etc.

Well, there was new information in that they were taping the offensive signals as well. That was new information. They taped a team before an AFC Championship Game. The argument that it had no impact begs the question posed by those who do not accept the "steroids don't help you hit HR's" argument, "Then why did they do it?"

I suppose they did it because "everybody else was doing it". I'm not sure why everyone else was doing it if it didn't work though. I'm still having trouble reconciling those two arguments. Besides, like my Mom used to say, "If everyone else was jumping off a bridge, would you jump off too?" You gotta love a Mom's wisdom.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

The Patriots and Belli-cheat must have thought it would help or he would not have committed valuable team time and resources in doing it. THEY CLEARLY THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP. They weren't taping these signals for posterity. Or if the opposing coaches all forgot their own signals they could just requisition the Patriot for their tapes and they could re-learn them.

I think it's time that we institute the same types of disclosure rules that we impose on analysts and CEO's when they go before the media and talk about a particular stock or company. They have to completely disclose any relationships they have with the company that could cloud or impact the information being dispensed.

So before these talking heads pontificate and editorialize about these issues they would have to disclose that "my station is a corporate partner of the NFL". Instead, we get the nonsense that these ass-clowns are legitimate reporters who would never let buckets of money cloud their stated opinions. Or that of their bosses. Give me a break. I believe the relevant phrase that describes the situation is "You don't shit where you eat". You might as well refer to ESPN News as the ESPN Spin and Promote our Corporate Partners Department. Those boys can spin a story like a top.

But don't listen to just my opinion. Here is the opinion of former Sports Illustrated journalist and author Rick Reilly before he jumped over to the dark-side that is ESPN. I'm guessing you won't hear nearly the same opinions from Mr. Reilly in the future. A $12 million dollar salary (hush-money) buys a shitload of silence:


RICK REILLY RELEASING HIS INNER NOAM CHOMSKY

After listening to that, every time I see Mr. Reilly on ESPN, I'm sure I'll be reminded of that joke that ends "....we know what you are, we're just deciding on the price."
(for those who are old-joke handicapped, it rhymes with bore, only with the H-sound instead of the B-)

And to the idiot ex-players on ESPN who say it makes no difference that the Pats taped (cheated): Why then when you played did you have signals and audibles in the first place? Why didn't you just go up to the line and, instead of barking out signals or pointing like spasmodic idiots, just yell at the defense "We're going to run a toss sweep to left and you can't stop us, you pansies." And then the middle linebacker could yell back, "That's fine bucket-head, we have a run blitz called, we're going to stuff your toss sweep right back up your butt."

It doesn't work that way because there is a large advantage in disguising coverages and blitzes, etc.

Oh and I love how the fall back argument is "Well who cares? Everybody was doing it."

I just love how these hypocritical idiots pick and choose how and where to apply their ethics. Great lesson for the kids. Luckily for us adults, it seems as if the kids from Jefferson High School see through the mixed messages they're getting. They should be applauded for that.

What gets lost in the story is the impact that Coach Dungy still has among Tampa's youth and he's not even the current football coach of the local team. The impact his book has had on that group makes Dungy a Hall of Fame coach and a HOF human being. That's why he'll always be a better coach, unless you only look at wins/losses, Super Bowl rings. And even that metric can be deceiving.

I'm glad to see the book get it's just due as well. I've mentioned the book before here and it's listed as one of my favorite books, I would give it high marks. It is one of the best books I've ever read by a coach. Like a John Wooden, Dungy doesn't just teach the sport, he doesn't just build the skills of the players he coaches, he builds the inner strength and character of the individual.

That's what great coaches do. It's clear that he and Coach Bellicheat move in different circles and operate from opposite ends of the spectrum ethically and morally.

Of one of the two, you can say great coach, great person, great character, WINNER. Only one. The other one will be defined using the exact opposite word.
---------------------------------------------
http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/may/09/sp-dungys-quiet-strength-gets-jefferson-students-f/?sports-columns

Dungy's 'Quiet Strength' Fires Up Jefferson Students
By JOE HENDERSON
Published: May 9, 2008

TAMPA - Both sides of the Jefferson High gymnasium were packed with stomping, cheering, chattering students early Thursday afternoon. They weren't there for a pep rally or a big game, although you couldn't have guessed that by how excited everyone seemed.

They were there because of a book.

Tony Dungy's book.

"This is a little hard to believe here," he said with a look that suggested he wasn't quite ready for how big this had become. "When we wrote the book, you hoped it might get into the hands of young people and maybe have an impact for good, but to hear how the whole school here read it and how it turned out - it's overwhelming."

(click on the link above to read the entire article)

KENTUCKY DERBY TRAGEDY AND PETA

In the aftermath of the tragedy at the Kentucky Derby involving the filly Eight Belles, comes PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), to get some national media face-time and engage in some all important fund-raising.

The spokeswoman for these clowns apparently did not even know that Eight Belles was a filly, referring to her in the male gender in interviews I heard. Apparently, she also could not explain to ESPN's Mike Tirico what it was that the jockey did differently or incorrectly, which in PETA's mind, led to the tragedy.

Word of advice to these media-whoring organization's, at least send a spokesperson who has am iota of understanding of the issue you are protesting. It really hurts your organization and its credibility when they can't answer the most basic of questions or botch basic details that even a casual horse-racing fan has knowledge of. Your front-person should be able to think on their feet and speak from knowledge not included in your talking points or media packaged handouts.

Also have a bit of a sense of decency and decorum before you rush before the cameras within twenty four hours of the tragedy splashing accusations against the horse's owner and jockey, both of whom were clearly still grieving.

What was another organization going to get out in front of you in the attention/money grab game?

Or does your experience show that these stories have a short shelf life such that you feel you have to get your name out front and center or you can't rally the troops and ring the cash register as effectively 48-72 hours later as opposed to 24 hours?

Shame on PETA's behavior in this instance.

THE WHITE SOX PLAY WITH DOLLS - HAHAHA

I guess there has not been a more over blown story than the White Sox Inflatable Doll fiasco. The Chicago Sun Times feminists at large Carol Slezak and Jay Mariotti are taking turns skewering the organization for the players clubhouse conduct.

The Sox hitters have been in a bit of a slump lately and were clearly using the prank as a device to get some laughs and loosen up a tight bunch. That Mariotti and Slezak would get their panties in a bunch over the issue shows how far political correctness and hypocrisy have drifted.

To my knowledge, no actual women were disrespected during the prank(s). Thank goodness the fellas didn't resort to the more traditional form of "slump-busting", where actual women are involved.

Ladies, it's a doll for crying out loud. If anything they are disrespecting themselves a bit. I don't remember "Bud" Bundy beaming with pride when his sister Kelly teased him about his inflatable girlfriend in the "Married with Children" sitcom. And Kelly sure didn't appear offended that her brother had such a "friend". It's called perspective people.

Also, it's really unusual for any Chicago Sun Times employee to call the White Sox organization to task for degradation and humiliation of women when in the Sun Times sports section, just a few page turn from Mrs. Slezak's column in the Sunday edition are the following advertisements:

XXX-Rated - Adult Video Clearance - Over 5,000 movies must be sold

2 for 1 Come Take Advantage

Buck Wild Girls - 24/7 - We can do what you want - $60 for first-timers

Full Pleasure Massage - 24/7 - www.naughty247.com

$225 All Inclusive - VIP Service - Adult Massage Bi-Reverse - 24/7 Free Limo Service

WOW!!! I almost had to take a cold shower after breezing through the sports section. Wonder what's in the rest of this rag?

So maybe the girl power duo should clean up their own house before they go condemning the behavior of others. I'm not sure you really have the moral authority to be telling other people what they should be doing and thinking.

I'm sure they will make some weak-assed First Amendment argument or say there is some sort of legal reason that they simply have to accept these advertisements, but sorry sisters Slezak and Mariotti, we're not buying your arguments here. This smacks of more hysterical attempts to get readership from what most people view as a company and industry that's slowly dying and currently on life-support. And these are the same idiots that look down their noses at the blogoisphere and the information and integrity contained therein.

What a crazy, mixed up world we live in.

HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY - BULL DURHAM

One of the top baseball movies of all-time.

Here are some of the top quotes from the movie listed at the following website link:

Memorable quotes for
Bull Durham (1988)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094812/quotes

-------------------------------------
Here are some of my favorite lines/scenes from the movie. After twenty years it seems the are rumblings of a sequel. Not sure they can really top this one, but it will be interesting to see what they come up with.

[Opening narration]
Annie Savoy: I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.
------------------------------------------------------
[On playing in the "show" - major league baseball]
Crash Davis: Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.
-----------------------------------------
[to Crash]
Annie Savoy: Oh, where are you going?
Crash Davis: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't try out. Besides, uh, I don't believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.
Annie Savoy: What do you believe in, then?
Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
[pause]
Crash Davis: Goodnight.
Annie Savoy: Oh my. Crash...
-------------------------------
Crash Davis: Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?
----------------------------------
[Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We're dealing with a lot of shit.
Larry: Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.
---------------------------------------------
[Crash calls for a curve ball, Ebby shakes off the pitch twice]
Crash Davis: [stands up] Hey! HEY!
[walks to meet Ebby at the mound]
Crash Davis: Why are you shaking me off?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [Gets in Crash's face] I want to give him the heat and announce my presence with authority!
Crash Davis: Announce your fucking presence with authority? This guy is a first ball, fast ball hitter!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Well he hasn't seen my heat!
Crash Davis: [pauses] Allright meat, show him your heat.
[Walks back towards the box]
Crash Davis: [to the batter] Fast ball.

THE ZITO DEBACLE CONTINUES

ZITO ESTIMATING HOW MANY MORE STARTS HE WILL NEED BEFORE HE WINS A GAME THIS YEAR


Good to see The big Zit-o back in the rotation again. I see they tried to select a team they thought he could beat, the Pirates.

Unfortunately, the Buccos found a way to win, or Zit found a way to lose, whatever.

At least there is comfort in knowing that Zit-o doesn't cause any problems in the clubhouse. He's not a cancer there, although it could be argued that his salary is a malignant cancer on the Giants future plans to be competitive.

Thankfully he doesn't take up more than one locker in the clubhouse too.

And being a laughing-stock nationally for signing Zit-o, to what will go down as the worst free-agent signing in history, is much more than preferable to being a national whipping boy for the PED scandal, isn't it?

All these factors must have been weighed carefully by GM Brian Sabean and Owner Peter McGowan when they signed Zit-o and declined to re-sign the best baseball player on the planet. Don't you think?

Yes, life is good being a Giants fan. You sure don't have to worry about wins and losses on a daily basis. You can reflect on a day in the future--in the very, very, distant future--and dream of your favorite team being competitive again. With a nice shiny new GM who knows a little more about building a franchise and less about destroying one. Ah, perchance to dream. I can only hope I live so long.

55 YEARS AND COUNTING. LOOK OUT CUBS, HERE COME THE GIANTS.

Maybe instead of counting the number of splash hit into the Bay, the Giants could put one of those stick counters, like the ones the prisoner scratch on the walls of their jail cells, counting the number of years of futility the fans of SF have endured.