Mike And The Mechanics - Living Years (Live At Shepherds Bush)
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
"The Living Years" as written by Michael/Robertson Rutherford
Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, BUG MUSIC
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The following article is one of the better pieces I have read about the state of fatherhood in this nation today.
Decades after the Moynihan Report and the resultant breakdown of the family unit due to the build up of the welfare state, no-fault divorce and the burgeoning prison population in this country, we can see the deleterious results of the often time coerced, forced removal of fathers from the home has on children.
Women may be in many ways freer socially, bot not much freer economically. They have in many respects, silently passed on the pain and suffering of broken relationships onto their children.
Many dads are guilty of not stepping up and doing their fair share, but clearly the system encourages both the behaviors and the results that we are getting as a society. It's time to take a long, hard look at how we are doing things in this area because very clearly the system as it currently stands, is broken.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
From the Washington Times:
KRUK: Dads needed on Father’s Day
American culture forgets that men play vital role in kids’ lives
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/jun/14/dads-needed-on-fathers-day/?page=all#pagebreak
As Father's Day 2012 approaches, let’s take stock of the significance of fathers in children’s lives by examining what the child-development research tells us about the effects of father absence. There is a much more nuanced picture than that painted by President Obama a year ago during his Father's Day address, in which he placed the blame squarely on “deadbeat” fathers.
Many of the ongoing conversations on fatherlessness deflect attention away from the root causes of the social problem in American society. Fathers’ tenuous presence in children’s lives is primarily the result of two key factors: divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing. More often than not, in these arenas, fathers are forced to relinquish their primary responsibilities for their children by family-court judgments concerned primarily with maintaining fathers’ role as financial providers but shunning their involvement as active caregivers. This practice continues despite the gender convergence of child care roles in two-parent families, where fathers and mothers share active responsibility for the care of their children. Fathers have increased their involvement in raising kids while mothers work longer hours in paid employment, and fathers are no longer satisfied to play second fiddle as parents. Many fathers today enthusiastically assume their responsibilities as parents and define themselves first and foremost in relation to their caregiving role rather than their financial role.
According to a recent UNICEF report, children in the United States rank extremely low in regard to social and emotional well-being compared with children in other economically developed nations. Theories involving race, social class and poverty have been advanced to explain this, but the absence of fathers - the one factor that correlates stronger with children’s compromised well-being than any other - has been ignored. There is a clear disconnect between what child-development researchers are observing and public policy in the area of father involvement.
When we look at the causes of father absence, a common reaction is to “parent-blame,” casting aspersions on either single mothers or absent fathers. Yet such judgments are overemphasized. Our social-welfare and judicial institutions undermine rather than support fathers who seek to fulfill their parental responsibilities. Divorced and never-married fathers in particular are devalued as parents by an overwhelming number of family-court judgments, as reflected in their forced removal from their children’s lives as daily caregivers. Laws and policies that diminish the importance and sanctity of the father-child relationship need to be challenged. Paternal involvement is critical to children’s well-being, and fathers desperately require social institutions to support being present for their kids.
When never-married and divorced fathers are removed from their children’s lives, it is their children who suffer. Absence of dads leads to a tangible feeling of deficit in children’s lives, leading to a phenomenon known as “father hunger.” The impact on children is profoundly damaging in a multitude of ways:
Children’s self-regard is deeply wounded, with ongoing bouts of self-loathing, as both their physical and emotional security is threatened. Children feel abandoned and experience the loss of their fathers as a personal rejection of them, and they struggle with the resultant emotions and deflected self-concept.
Social and behavioral problems, from attention deficit disorder to bullying and aggression to withdrawal and depression, are common in situations of father absence. Children report problems with friendships and increasing social withdrawal and isolation as they get older.
School difficulties, including poor academic performance and truancy, are more prevalent for children with absent fathers, as numerous studies of children’s reading proficiency, mathematics and thinking skills show. Fatherless children are more likely to be excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16 (71 percent of high school dropouts are fatherless) and less likely to attain academic and professional qualifications.
Delinquency and youth crime, including violent crime, are strongly associated with father absence, as 85 percent of youth in prison are fatherless children.
Promiscuity and teen pregnancy are strongly associated with father absence, including problems with sexual health, a greater likelihood of having intercourse before the age of 16, foregoing contraception during first intercourse, becoming teenage parents, and contracting sexually transmitted infections.
Drug and alcohol misuse and homelessness are rampant among the fatherless population of youth, as 90 percent of runaway children have an absent father.
Fatherlessness exposes children to exploitation and abuse. Lack of paternal protection exposes children to a greater risk of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. These children are five times more likely to have experienced physical abuse and emotional maltreatment, with a 100 times higher risk of fatal abuse.
Physical and mental health problems are endemic, as fatherless children report more acute and chronic pain, asthma, headaches and stomachaches and are overrepresented in regard to a wide range of mental health problems, particularly anxiety, depression and suicide.
The future life chances of fatherless children are severely compromised, as in adulthood they are more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes, rely on social assistance, remain homeless and lack purpose and direction. Their future relationships are similarly affected, as they are more likely to enter partnerships at an early age, dissolve those relationships, have children outside marriage, and become themselves absent parents.
Fatherless children have a life expectancy that averages four years less than that of children with fathers present.
This Father's Day, let’s begin taking real steps toward affirming the essential role of both parents in children’s lives. Even in the absence of a spousal relationship, it should be clear that both mothers’ and fathers’ parental responsibilities to their children’s needs deserve full legal protection and recognition.
Edward Kruk is an associate professor of Social Work at the University of British Columbia.
This is the economic cost of raising a child today. If you don't have a spirit of sacrifice in your heart, you won't be able to make it as a parent nowadays.
Eric De Groot: Child Born in 2011 May Cost $234,900 to Raise, USDA Says: "Unfortunately, this most likely means more children raised by state and federal funds. While austerity backed by creditors looks good on paper, social reality has a nasty way of ensuring that the path of least resistance will be taken. That is, currency devaluation or QE to infinity until confidence breaks. Headline: Child Born in 2011 May Cost $234,900 to Raise, USDA Says"
A middle-income family may spend $234,900 to raise a child born in 2011 to the age of 18, a 3.5 percent increase in a year, according to a government report. Expenses for child care and education, transportation and food represented the biggest jumps, the U.S. Department of Agriculture said today in a report. Adjusted for anticipated inflation, a child in a middle-class family would cost $295,560 to raise, the department said. "It’s not just the cost, it’s the pressure,” said Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families and Work Institute based in New York. Competitive educational environments and an awareness of what it takes for children to succeed are prompting more spending, she said in a telephone interview.Source: bloomberg.com
'via Blog this'
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Here is an organization that does something to make the situation better. One of many I could name BTW, from Tony Dungy's All Pro Dads, to the prison ministry program Malachai Dads, to the many similar outreach programs run every day through various local church groups and community organizations.
from yahoo.com:
Father's Day in Prison | Photo Gallery - Yahoo! News:
"An annual Father's Day event, "Get On The Bus" brings children in California to visit their fathers in prison. Sixty percent of parents in state prison report being held over 100 miles (161 km) from their children. Regular prison visits lower rates of recidivism for the parent, and make the child better emotionally adjusted and less likely to become delinquent, according to The Center for Restorative Justice Works, the non-profit organization that runs the "Get on the Bus" program."
'via Blog this'
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Meanwhile, this is the response we get from leadership. Dude acts like he discovered the atom.
Clueless, totally clueless.
from americanthinker.com:
Articles: Doing the 'Fatherhood Buzz' with Barack Obama: "Just a few weeks after advocating for same-sex marriage, America's "first gay president" actually said that "It turns out that with the father being involved, the kids are less likely to do drugs ... girls are less likely to get pregnant. And so that message is something that we want to make sure gets out there."
Despite the well-meaning Father's Day effort, unless the President is open to either revising his current stance on gay marriage or changing the name of the "Fatherhood Buzz" to the "Personhood Buzz" or "Parenthood Buzz," it might be best if he sticks exclusively to unscheduled BBQ luncheons with "Big O" and Nurney and refrain from offering anymore unwanted advice."
'via Blog this'
