The Parent's Role in Athletics by Bruce Brown - Why most of us screw it up (CLASSIC)

Redmond Neighborhood Blog: The Parent's Role in Athletics, by Bruce Brown 

Monday, September 28, 2009

The Parent's Role in Athletics, by Bruce Brown

Bruce Brown, Teacher, Coach, Athletic Administrator

Special thanks to the RHS Women's Soccer Team (4-2) for posting this Letter on their team website.  His teaching applies to all sports.  Their next five home games are  9/29, 7:30 pm vs. Garfield ; 10/6, 7:30 pm vs. Woodinville, and 10/13, 7:30 vs. Lake Washington, 10/15 vs. Bothell, 10/23 vs. Skyline. 

Bruce (BIO) has been a teacher and coach of youth, HS and college athletics for 30 years in the state of Washington. He is currently a special presenter for the NAIA and speaks around the country on the role of athletics with players, coaches and parents.  Below, are Mr. Brown's observation and advice he has given to our Redmond youth over the years:

Athletic Pyramid - "70% of all children stop playing organized sports by the age of 13"

Bruce let us know that he was here to represent kids - that he was going to share with us what he's heard from kids over the past 35 years - - the things kids would like to tell us about how to help their performance and create great memories, but probably won't.

Before the season begins:Parents, write out your goals, role and success criteria for a successful season. Then have your children write out their goals, role and success criteria. If your answers do not match their answers, throw yours away and adopt theirs!
Scholarship Athletes:  If your goal is to have your child earn a scholarship – take them out of soccer and spend 3 hours a day with them at the library. There is 1 athletic scholarship for every 100 academic scholarships.
Why Kids Play Soccer @ RHSKids play soccer to have fun, gain recognition, and represent their school!

What are the responsibilities of parents of RHS soccer players?
Release your child to the program. Release them for the opportunity to be responsible for their actions and outcomes – all the success and problems are theirs to experience. Issues with playing time, with other kids (team members and opponents) and with coaches are their responsibility.

As parents we have so few opportunities to release our children to manage an activity completely on their own. Athletics are one of the few opportunities for some children to succeed or fail in a safe environment.

Red Flags!  Here are a few red flags that you may be too involved in your child's athletics:
1/ You share in the credit after a game when things go well
2/ You attempt to resolve your child's problem with the coaches
3/ You continue to coach them when it is obvious that they know more about the sport than you
do…usually around age 13
4/ You talk or yell at a referee
5/ You make excuses for failures on the field
6/ Your kids avoid you after the game – physically or conversationally
7/ You are more nervous about a game than your child
8/ The outcome of the game good/bad lasts longer on you than it does on your child

Parents Role During the Game:  We want to provide an atmosphere of support, sportsmanship and encouragement. Please review the following five rules the coaching staff would like you to follow to maximize your child's experience.

1/ Practice Objectivity: Soccer is a fast contact sport in a confined space that makes it very subjective. The game is perceived by what color jersey your child is wearing. Go to a game where you don't know anyone, and you'll be amazed at what good coaching and refereeing there is!

2/ Model Appropriate Behavior: We have all seen screaming parents. Remember that you are a role model for your child and that your actions may negatively impact their experience.

3/ Focus on the Team: Try to avoid having a spotlight on your child throughout the whole game. Soccer is a team sport. It can place additional pressure on your child.

4/ One Instructional Voice: Release your child to take instruction from his coach. Support, encourage, and yell positives all night, but leave the instruction to the coach.

5/ Four Roles: You can be a player, coach, referee or a fan. We all must pick one role…we can't be two!

Parents Role After the Game:   Most HS kids don't want to rehash each and every play of the game and get your analysis. Practice your quiet, reflective listening skills; kids will explore the game in the manner and time that it is appropriate.

Worse Memories for Athletes:  It is surprising to find that so many kids in HS define their worst HS sports experience as riding home with parents. 

Praise – Don't Criticize:  Any kid will tell you that they love having their family at the game. The only exception is when a parent is not modeling appropriate behavior. Your child's athletic career goes by very quickly…enjoy the experience with your child. 

Common Player's Statement – I loved having my grandparents come to my games, they didn't care if we won or lost, they only said "they loved watching me play."

Bruce Brown's Biography:  http://www.hitrunscore.com/bruce-brown-biography.html
Bruce Brown's Book:  http://www.proactivecoaching.info/
Redmond High School Women's Soccer Team: http://schools.lwsd.org/RHS/athletics/soccer/Girls/index.htm
* My daughter plays RHS Varsity Basketball and we've heard Bruce's inspiring talk. Coach Dennis Edwards invited Bruce Brown to speak to Woman's Basketball Teams several years ago.