Sometimes you have to make an honest evaluation of where you are before you can decide where you are going.
Otherwise you're just lost.
Some great stuff on the topic from greater minds than mine. The clip from the movie Coach Carter is awesome. A very underrated book and sports movie.
Many of us are familiar with the concept of the fear of failure. But what about the fear of success?
Believe it or not, having a fear of success is actually quite common. Many people who have this fear aren't even aware that they have it, which is why it's holding them back from achieving their goals and dreams.
The passage has such inspirational power that it is now a stand-alone mantra for a generation of exceptional individuals who wish to motivate themselves and others to live up to their fullest potential.
---
From the movie Coach Carter:
Our Deepest Fear...
---
OUR DEEPEST FEAR
by Marianne Williamson. from A Return to Love
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
(A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])
---
FEAR OF SUCCESS:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/fear-of-success.htm#nopopups
Fear of Success
Overcoming Fear of Change
Laura's boss has just announced that the company has won a bid to create a national marketing campaign. And he's asked Laura if she wants to head this project. All that she has to do is let him know that she's interested by the following Friday.
Laura always hoped for an opportunity like this. She knows her work and management skills qualify her for the job - and she knows that it would likely lead to a promotion, or at least to some much-deserved recognition.
However, by the time Friday arrives, she has created a list of reasons not to head the project. And by the end of the day, she still hasn't talked to her boss.
Does this situation sound familiar?
Fear of success is actually quite common, and it can cause us to lose out on opportunities in life. When we're too afraid to take risks and move forward on our goals - either consciously or subconsciously - we get stuck in one place, neither moving forward nor backward.
In this article, we'll examine the fear of success: what it is, how to know if you have it, and what you can do to overcome it.
Fear of Success
Psychologist Matina Horner first diagnosed the fear of success in the early 1970s. Her findings, especially as they related to fear of success in women at that time, were incredibly controversial.
Since then, however, most scientists and psychologists agree that fear of success exists for both men and women.
Fear of success is similar to fear of failure. They have many of the same symptoms, and both fears hold you back from achieving your dreams and goals.
Signs of Fear of Success
The biggest problem for many people is that their fear of success is largely unconscious. They just don't realize that they've been holding themselves back from doing something great.
If you experience the following thoughts or fears, you might have a fear of success on some level:
You feel guilty about any success you have, no matter how small, because your friends, family, or co-workers haven't had the same success.
You don't tell others about your accomplishments.
You avoid or procrastinate on big projects, especially projects that could lead to recognition.
You frequently compromise your own goals or agenda to avoid conflict in a group, or even conflict within your family.
You self-sabotage (member only article) your work or dreams by convincing yourself that you're not good enough to achieve them.
You feel, subconsciously, that you don't deserve to enjoy success in your life.
You believe that if you do achieve success, you won't be able to sustain it. Eventually you'll fail, and end up backing a worse place from where you started. So you think, "why bother?"
Causes of Fear of Success
Fear of success has several possible causes:
We fear what success will bring - for example, loneliness, new enemies, being isolated from our family, longer working hours, or being asked for favors or money.
We're afraid that the higher we climb in life, the further we may fall if we make a mistake.
We fear the added work, responsibilities, or criticism that we'll face.
We fear that our relationships will suffer if we become successful. Our friends and family will react with jealousy and cynicism, and we'll lose the ones we love.
We fear that accomplishing our goals, and realizing that we have the power to be successful, may actually cause an intense regret that we didn't act sooner.
Overcoming Fear of Success
You can use several different strategies to overcome your fear of success. The good news is that the more you face your fears, bring them to the surface, and analyze them rationally, the more you're likely to weaken those fears - and dramatically reduce your reluctance to achieve your goals.
Take a realistic look at what will happen if you succeed with your goal. Don't look at what you hope will happen, or what you fear will happen. Instead, look at what is likely to happen.
It's important not to give a quick answer to this. Take at least 15 minutes to examine the issues, and write down answers to questions like these:
How will my friends and family react if I accomplish this goal?
How will my life change?
What's the worst that could happen if I achieve this goal?
What's likely to happen, and what's the best that could happen?
Why am I scared of accomplishing this goal?
How motivated am I to work toward this goal? How can I increase this motivation?
What am I currently doing to sabotage, or hurt, my own efforts?
How can I stop those self-sabotaging behaviors?
Where you identify risks and problems, make a plan to mitigate those risks or solve those problems. And where you identify actions that need to be taken, add these to your To Do List or Action Program.
Another useful technique is to address your fears directly, and then develop a backup plan that will overcome your concern.
For instance, suppose you don't push yourself to achieve a promotion partly because you secretly fear that you'll be so busy working that you'll never see your family, and partly because you might be forced to make choices that would destroy your integrity.
To overcome these fears, start by addressing your workload. You could set a rule for yourself that you'll always be home by 7 p.m. You could tell this to your boss if you're offered the new position.
For issues involving integrity, you always have a choice. If you set maintaining your integrity (member only article) as your top goal, then you'll always make the right choice.
By creating backup plans that address your fears, you can often eliminate those fears entirely.
Tip:
Sometimes people will react negatively to your success, particularly if they've been perceived as being more successful than you in the past. If people are this small-minded, and they can't rejoice in your success, do you really want to know them?
Key Points
Fear of success is common, but many of us don't realize that we have it. Self-sabotaging activities - such as procrastination, negative self-talk, and fearing what the success will bring - may hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams.
If you think that you suffer from a fear of success, identify why you're afraid of accomplishing your goals. The more you face your fear and analyze what you're worrying about, the better able you'll be to deal with these issues and move forward with your life.
FEAR OF FAILURE:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/fear-of-failure.htm#nopopups
Overcoming Fear of Failure
Facing Fears and Moving Forward
Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? Or has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?
Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.
In this article, we'll examine fear of failure: what it means, what causes it, and how to overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and in life.
Causes of Fear of Failure
To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what "failure" actually means.
We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have different benchmarks, values, and belief systems. A failure to one person might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.
Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure (also called "atychiphobia") is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals.
Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, having critical or unsupportive parents is a cause for some people. Because they were routinely undermined or humiliated in childhood, they carry those negative feelings into adulthood.
Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause. For example, say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly. The experience might have been so terrible that you developed a fear of failure about other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.
Signs of Fear of Failure
You might experience some of these symptoms if you have a fear of failure:
A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.
Self-sabotage - for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety, or a failure to follow through with goals.
Low self-esteem or self-confidence – Commonly using negative statements such as "I'll never be good enough to get that promotion," or "I'm not smart enough to get on that team."
Perfectionism – A willingness to try only those things that you know you'll finish perfectly and successfully.
"Failure" – A Matter of Perspective
It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. People who to do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere. Put simply, they're not really living at all.
The wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide how to look at it.
We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is. Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn. These lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.
It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:
Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't think he had enough skill.
Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.
Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high school dropout.
Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team. Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high school diploma.
Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you.
Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are. Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed.
Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life.
Overcoming a Fear of Failure
It's important to realize that in everything we do, there's always a chance that we'll fail. Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous – it also gives us a fuller, more rewarding life.
However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:
Analyze all potential outcomes – Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision. Our article Decision Trees will teach you how to map possible outcomes visually.
Learn to think more positively – Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage. Our article Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking is a comprehensive resource for learning how to change your thoughts.
Look at the worse-case scenario – In some cases, the worst case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.
Have a contingency plan – If you're afraid of failing at something, having a "Plan B" in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.
Using Goal Setting
If you have a fear of failure, you might be uncomfortable setting goals. But goals help us define where we want to go in life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.
Many experts recommend visualization as a powerful tool for goal setting. Imagining how life will be after you've reached your goal is a great motivator to keep you moving forward.
However, visualization might produce the opposite results in people who have a fear of failure. In the article "Tantalizing Fantasies: Positive Imagery Induces Negative Mood in Individuals High in Fear of Failure" (published in the journal Imagination, Cognition and Personality, Vol. 21, No. 4), researcher Thomas Langens showed that people who have a fear of failure were often left in a strong negative mood after being asked to visualize goals and goal attainment.
So, what can you do instead?
Start by setting a few small goals. These should be goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging. Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to help boost your confidence.
For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.
Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you're convinced that you're not smart enough to be accepted into business school. Set a goal to talk with a school counselor or admissions officer to see what's required for admission.
Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals. Don't focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next step: introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an admissions officer. That's it.
Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.
Note:
Sometimes, fear of failure can be a symptom of a more serious mental health condition. If fear of failure affects your day-to-day life, it's important to speak with your doctor to get advice.
Key Points
Many of us sometimes experience a fear of failure, but we mustn't let that fear to stop us from moving forward.
Fear of failure can have several causes: from childhood events to mistakes we've made in our adult lives. It's important to realize that we always have a choice: we can choose to be afraid, or we can choose not to be.
Start by setting small goals that will help build your confidence. Learn how to explore and evaluate all possible outcomes rationally and develop contingency plans; and practice thinking positively. By moving forward slowly but steadily, you'll begin to overcome your fear of failure.
But the cowardly , the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers , the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death. - Revelation 21:8
“The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” -Patrick Henry
No comments:
Post a Comment