SCHOOL DISTRICT BANS TAG?
So now a school district in Massachusetts wants to ban kids from playing tag during recess as well as touch football and other games that would require some form of locomotion and interaction.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??
Kids are getting fatter and fatter by the year what with the sedentary lifestyle they lead already. Now this. The fun police are really working overtime nowadays aren't they?
And it might just be me, but did they miss "Kill the Carrier"? That might have been first on the list for banning or at least a name change in the spirit of Political Correctness.
Can't we all just "Hug the Carrier"? (Sarcasm)
I mean a little co-ed touch football is how most young kids first learn how to get to second base safely, if you know what I mean. What's next? Ban "Spin the Bottle" and "Strip Poker" too?
How in the heck am I supposed to enjoy my second childhood now?
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MIKE TYSON WORLD TOUR
So Mike Tyson wants to re-start his boxing career? And further, he's not opposed to fighting women in the ring. Good move Mike. After all, it's not like you haven't bounced a woman or two off the wall in the past, might as well get paid for your efforts, right? I know, you have the IRS to pay, so as long as you're going through with this, here's my list of candidates to be your next opponent:
1) Robin Givens (your vivid explanation of your prior exploits doesn't quite do it justice, your going to have to show me some, bro.)
2) Hilary Rodham Clinton (no explanation required)
3) Rosie O'Donnell (no problem making weight)
4) Roseanne Barr (ditto)
5) Desiree Washington (come on, like you don't have her 1 or 2 on your list??)
5) Laila Ali (I think she can take you bitch, even though you probably would go in thinking it would be great to throw a shot or two at her. Thinking with the wrong head has gotten you in trouble before - see Desiree Washington).
Anyway, after this tour as part of my duties as czar of the sports world, I will henceforth decree that all future boxing matches invloving boxers over the age of forty, be fought to the death.
This includes all bouts including Sylvester Stallone, either in person or as the character Rocky I,II,II,IV or gosh darn, you probably have more freaking Roman numerals after this characters name than the Super Bowl for Pete's sake. What is wrong with you old man? Have you gone senile?
I just am so tired of seeing boxers in the ring who need bro-bras. Am I asking too much? It kind of tarnishes whatever past legacy of greatness these imbeciles may have ever achieved.
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UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI - FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY
A proud day for the U. So you're telling me that an 0-7 team came into your house talking smack and you can't just dust them off and say look at the scoreboard? Doesn't your initial excuse smack of "Mommy he started it"? That's not the macho U that I know and dislike. That's the kind of excuse I'd expect from a bunch of pansies. Oh Lord, now I've done it, the U is going to come to my house and smack me upside the head with a football helmet.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The FIU kids who so "desperately" wanted to go your school apparently were not even good enough for the other 250 some odd DI schools ranked higher than them. So that would even throw into question whether these kids were even seriously considering going there, but whatever. Childish excuse for childish behavior.
Your clown ass President really comes off as a genius, but given her past in the Clinton administration she was probably looking for a suitable working definition for classless, unsportsmanlike behavior. In wasting all that time, she apparently didn't even have enough time left to review film of the debacle. But yet she feels confident enough to go on air and stridently defend your actions.
Most people know classless behavior when they see it. She even defended your practice of jumping on other folks logos or crashing their warmups or stretching lines. Spoken like someone who has never strapped on a jock before. She'd probably attach it to her face like a gas mask or something. It's not like other teams haven't dusted you up before over the practice, where was your clueless President then?
She must have bought your story that before kickoff one of you rascals kick the ball really high and someone on the team catches it, and the rest of the guys just get so excited that you surround him and junk and you don't reallly know that you're jumping on the other teams logo, honest Indian, and then the other team gets all mad and junk, and starts pushing us real hard and we say, "Hey, stop it you guys". But they don't and they say something bad about your Mommy then "Oh Lord, it's on". Is that how it goes? It all makes sense to me now that President Shalala explained it.
So you got off again with a slap on the wrist, the serious alumni (the non-jock sniffers) must be so proud of your behavior and that of your announcer Lamar Thomas. It shows the culture of boorishness, classlessnes and lack of character that pervades the program.
Somewhere Butch Davis is exonerated and smiling the smile of "I told you so". Actions speak louder than words. Miami's actions and words from players to administration spoke volumes of cluelessness and/or stupidity.
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